by Aqui
See me awake, alive, enthusiastic in this video!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Bye Bye Lolo
Hello! I'm back again, and this time, I'm no longer DTW. In fact, I'm awake most of the day and even started sleeping through the night much to my mom's delight. I probably got tired from all the outings we had when my grandfather was here for a visit. I still think 12 days is too short for a Lolo's visit, I wish he stayed longer to spoil me some more. A golfer's arms is strong, warm and firm and I enjoyed every minute he held me. There were times he didn't put me down at all so I had most of my naps in his cozy arms. This worried my parents because I forgot all the sleep training they gave me before. haha. See below the video of my last "hele" with Lolo.
We also made time visit lots of places to see and shop. We went to see the seashore at Fisherman's table and the highest point of Wellington at the Mt. Victoria Lookout (which was freezing so it's understandable that I'm DTW again). And the last few days were spent shopping for pasalubongs to my relatives in the Philippines - to thank them for the wonderful gifts they sent thru Lolo.
While I'm writing this, Lolo is still in the plane from Melbourne. I feel very bad for Lolo because Qantas made his trip home miserable. His flight should have been 6 am so we woke up very early to bid goodbye. Only later, they told him that his flight was delayed til 10 am. Then he also got charged for 2 kilos of excess luggage. NZ is really strict with this -- in other airports, they wouldn't charge you if it's just 2-3 kilos. When he got to Sydney, he missed his connecting flight so he had to wait for the next one for 8 hours! Then they told him they misplaced his luggage but found it later on in Singapore. It's really a grueling trip for him and I feel bad because he wasn't feeling too good when he left. He had a bit of a cough and his thought-it-was-gone-long-ago ear problem was doing a Mac Arthur (I shall Return!). I just hope he reaches Manila safe and sound so he can have a good rest.
The Joy of Thumbsucking
I've recently discovered the joy of thumbsucking! Well, technically, it's not thumbsucking because I shove my whole fist inside my mouth. At first, mom and dad got worried and kept feeding me when I did this. They keep thinking I was hungry. Well, sometimes, I am but sometimes, I'm just doing it to settle myself. They refuse to give me a pacifier so I have to find a way to pacify myself, right? Well, here I am "fistsucking"...
P.S. Lately, Nel and I were discussing if we should stop Aqui from thumbsucking or just give her a pacifier because her thumb is getting chaffed from all the sucking action. After much research, we decided to let it go and leave her be because apparently, it's actually a good sign of emotional development. According to babycenter.org: "Babies generally suck their thumb to soothe themselves, which is good, because they need to learn how to rely on their own resources. The ability to regulate or control one's behavior and emotions is an important developmental challenge. When your child sucks her thumb, she's finding ways to make herself feel better without your help.
You don't have to stop your child from sucking her thumb right now. In general, thumb-sucking is more irritating to parents than it is harmful to kids. Your baby will stop when she's ready and has developed other ways of soothing herself." Read more here.
We also made time visit lots of places to see and shop. We went to see the seashore at Fisherman's table and the highest point of Wellington at the Mt. Victoria Lookout (which was freezing so it's understandable that I'm DTW again). And the last few days were spent shopping for pasalubongs to my relatives in the Philippines - to thank them for the wonderful gifts they sent thru Lolo.
While I'm writing this, Lolo is still in the plane from Melbourne. I feel very bad for Lolo because Qantas made his trip home miserable. His flight should have been 6 am so we woke up very early to bid goodbye. Only later, they told him that his flight was delayed til 10 am. Then he also got charged for 2 kilos of excess luggage. NZ is really strict with this -- in other airports, they wouldn't charge you if it's just 2-3 kilos. When he got to Sydney, he missed his connecting flight so he had to wait for the next one for 8 hours! Then they told him they misplaced his luggage but found it later on in Singapore. It's really a grueling trip for him and I feel bad because he wasn't feeling too good when he left. He had a bit of a cough and his thought-it-was-gone-long-ago ear problem was doing a Mac Arthur (I shall Return!). I just hope he reaches Manila safe and sound so he can have a good rest.
The Joy of Thumbsucking
I've recently discovered the joy of thumbsucking! Well, technically, it's not thumbsucking because I shove my whole fist inside my mouth. At first, mom and dad got worried and kept feeding me when I did this. They keep thinking I was hungry. Well, sometimes, I am but sometimes, I'm just doing it to settle myself. They refuse to give me a pacifier so I have to find a way to pacify myself, right? Well, here I am "fistsucking"...
P.S. Lately, Nel and I were discussing if we should stop Aqui from thumbsucking or just give her a pacifier because her thumb is getting chaffed from all the sucking action. After much research, we decided to let it go and leave her be because apparently, it's actually a good sign of emotional development. According to babycenter.org: "Babies generally suck their thumb to soothe themselves, which is good, because they need to learn how to rely on their own resources. The ability to regulate or control one's behavior and emotions is an important developmental challenge. When your child sucks her thumb, she's finding ways to make herself feel better without your help.
You don't have to stop your child from sucking her thumb right now. In general, thumb-sucking is more irritating to parents than it is harmful to kids. Your baby will stop when she's ready and has developed other ways of soothing herself." Read more here.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I'm officially a Christian! Amen.
I was officially welcomed to the Christian world last Sunday, 12th of July. As usual, I was DTW (Dead To the World) throughout the whole ceremony. I'm used to bathing so I didn't even stir when Father Peter poured holy water on me thrice. I'll share the video coverage of the ceremony next time. In the meantime, the photos of my Christening are here.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Grizzling Aqui
Here's the fruit of our (EingeNelAqui) hard work in sleep training. It's not perfect yet but we're so proud of how Aqui can sleep on her own without the need to be rocked or fed. :-)
Thursday, July 9, 2009
The Kinoy Way
Aqui has been dominating my blog for a while so it's time I make a comeback. This time I'll be sharing with you my dilemma on raising a Filipino child the Kiwi way. In ante-natal class, it was mentioned that the main difference of caring for a baby in a first world country versus a third world country is how often they are held. In 1st world countries, babies are trained to settle on their own and not cuddled or carried most of the time. In 3rd world countries, babies are in the arms of the mum or somebody else almost all the time even when they are sleeping. I am a mum from a 3rd world country raising a baby in a 1st world country, hence, I'm faced with the dilemma on which way is the better one for Aqui. It doesn’t stop there, there are lots of things that are quite different and let's get the verdict on each.
From Birth
The Kiwi Way
Immediately after the baby comes out, she is given to the mum for skin contact. I remember holding her amidst all the goo and blood. Ronnel had a chance to hold her as well before she was whisked away to undergo the Apgar test.
The Pinoy Way
Babies are immediately sent to the nursery and the dad's first glimpse of baby is through a glass window. I remember when my youngest sister was born and my dad and I were looking through the window, searching for the right baby to look at.
The Verdict: Kiwi Way wins. I guess that's why you wont hear much of baby switching here unlike in the Phils where it's the theme of most soap operas.
The First Night
The Kiwi Way
If it wasnt for Aqui's blood sugar monitoring requirements, she would have been in the room with me. Tin, a friend of mine who recently gave birth had her baby room in her on the first night and she recalled a time when Neon was crying and was hungry but she had no idea on what to do and had to wait for the nurse. Here, no visitors are allowed to sleep over at the hospital, yep, even the husband. I remember on the second night when Aqui was with me how frustrated I was because we were still both learning to breastfeed. I was exhausted when morning came and was really looking forward to Ronnel coming back.
The Pinoy Way
In the Philippines, the whole family can room in with you. I'm not sure if they put in a limit now but when my sister was born, we all slept in my mum's room, awaiting every moment the nurse brings in my little sister from the nursery.
The Verdict: I'm leaning towards the Pinoy Way, remembering how exhausted I was at nights with Aqui, especially since I had a C-section. I had to get up from bed and pick her up to feed her several times and thank God for the pain relievers, I couldn't feel a thing.
Handling With Care
The Kiwi Way
Here, babies are treated normally rather than like a fragile object. When I first saw how Aqui was being handled by the midwives, I almost gasped in horror. It's not that they manhandled her but it's just very different from how nurses back home handle babies. Her tiny arms are being stretched as if the were of a ten year old. Once, a nurse, shoved Aqui's face onto my breast to force her to feed. I also saw a mum patting her baby's back so hard, you'd think the baby's head will come off.
The Pinoy Way
There, we treat newborns with the utmost care possible. The cradle hold is the only way to hold a baby and you have to be very gentle especially with the arms and legs because the bones aren't formed yet, they say. I remember I couldn't hold my sister yet in the first few days and when I eventually did, I felt like a hundred eyes were looking at me.
The Verdict: Although it takes time getting used to, I prefer the Kiwi way. Doctors say that babies survive the most traumatic thing that could ever happen to them by going through delivery, squished and prodded, so there is no need for special handling. Of course, there is still the need to hold them carefully. As for the soft spot, the “fontanelle” or in Filipino, the “bumbunan”, I’m quoting this from a book they gave me here, “It is not delicate, painful nor dangerous to touch. The brain beneath it is well protected by a tough fibrous covering…. As for the head, there’s no chance that it will dislocate or fall off.” This was a revelation to me and it changed a lot of how I view baby-handling.
When we went to the doctor, I was advised to have lots of tummy time for her. This was unheard of in the Philippines. Newborns are supposed to be always on their backs because they cant support their heads yet and they might suffocate when put on their tummies. Here, they purposely put them on their tummies so that the neck muscles develop. Stretching and massaging of the arms and legs are encouraged for bone and muscle development (thus, our JaiHo dance). I was skeptical of this but I followed doctor’s advice and did tummy time for at least 5 minutes a day and see in the picture below how Aqui can now lift her head up!
The Nursing
The Kiwi Way
I didn’t know that breastfeeding was this challenging. I thought it was going to be a natural thing for me and baby but it took us some time to get into it. Here, they teach you the right way of nursing. They even have full day breastfeeding classes and lactation consultants. I had a hard time developing this skill and although I loved the feeling of oneness that I have with Aqui during nursing sessions, I hated the pain it caused my poor breasts. A lactation consultant came to see me and watch me feed and gave me advice. According to her, breastfeeding should be pain-free and a wonderful experience. We are getting better at it now. There is less pain and I’m sure with more practice, we’ll perfect the technique.
The Pinoy Way
I’m not sure how breastfeeding is taught in the Philippines but I think it’s taught by the mother to the nursing daughter. Unfortunately for me, I don’t have my mum or mother-in-law here so I have to rely on support from the nurse or consultant. I guess it’s true when they say it takes a village to raise a child. I remember Ronnel telling me a month after I gave birth, “Kaya naman pala natin tayo lang e.” (Roughly translated: See? We can do it even with just us two here.) This is his way of allaying my fears of not having the capability of caring for Aqui especially in the first few weeks. I desperately wanted to have family support here, even to the point of wanting to ask my mom to drop her job in the US for a while to accompany me here. But Ronnel kept assuring me that we will survive and we did. It was no easy task though but once again, it strengthened the EingeNel tandem.
The Verdict: Seems like the Kiwi Way wins.
Sleepytime
The Kiwi Way
Plunket (a child health service provider here in NZ) lent me a DVD to watch on how to put babies to sleep. In the DVD, it says babies must be left alone to settle themselves to sleep. They gave tips on how to check if baby is sleepy and tired. (1) Rubbing eyes (2)Yawning (3) Staring into space and (4) Grizzling The last one is the hardest one because this is what you’ll see most of the time. Grizzling is the act of crying on and off and you’ll hear this a lot when you leave your baby alone to settle. They encourage you to leave the room so that you won't hear your baby crying.
Aqui usually sleeps during feeding time and I was gently told off by the lactation consultant about this. According to her, feeding and sleeping must be disassociated. I have to wake her up everytime she falls asleep while feeding. This was very heart-wrenching for me and I battled with myself every time I did it, thinking “What harm would it to Aqui if I just leave her there sleeping?” But I thought that there was no harm in trying as well. So I did it. It was days of training her the pattern and even now, we’re still training her to understand that feeding and sleeping are two different things. So we follow the pattern “Feed – Change Nappy – Play / JaiHo time – Sleep”. It is hard work especially when it comes to sleeping time and I put her down to sleep. Every cry she makes tugs my heart and makes me feel I’m a bad mother.
The Pinoy Way
In the Philippines, babies are left to sleep in the warmth of the mum’s arms (or somebody else’s). I remember putting my little sister to sleep by rocking her to the song of “Kailan”. I couldn’t put her down or she’d wail and the neighbors will throw rocks at our window (well, not really but they’d complain of the noise.) That is why we need the whole village for a baby, one pair of arms is not enough for a wailing sleepy babe.
The Verdict: I’m still torn between the two so I’m mixing both. In the morning or as much as I can, I use the sleepytime method and I leave her to sleep on her own without rocking or feeding her. At night (when Ronnel needs uninterrupted sleep for work the next day), I nurse and rock her to sleep. She’s settling better now. Her wails are getting shorter and shorter and she falls asleep on her own most of the time.
Aqui Settling Herself
Playtime
The Kiwi Way
Here, playtime is a lot physical which meant straining almost all parts of the body. Two years ago when we first came here, we saw a 4-year old child in the park rolling on a hill while the dad looks on while another child climbs up the ladder of a slide without supervision. I was horrified that this was the norm here. Now, I understand what that was all about. Children are left to discover things on their own – of course in a safe manner. Liway, the daughter of friends of ours, has scrapes all over her face every time we see her and before, I really didn’t understand this but now, I see that it’s all for her own good. I think Kiwis train their children this way in preparation for an All Blacks audition.
The Pinoy Way
In the Philippines, every little bit of a child’s step is supervised by the parents. You’d see a mom speeding so fast if a child stumbles. We smother them with our love and care. I guess this way works in the Philippines because it is indeed scary outdoors with all the crazy speeding drivers and kidnappers.
The Verdict: I’m for the Kiwi way here. I like how Liway is tough and doesn’t cry on every fall and how she picks herself up. This shows faith - that her parents are there when she needs them the most and confidence - that she can handle things her own.
So there you go. I’ve shared my dilemma with you and I guess just by doing this, I’ve solved the dilemma a bit. I don’t feel as torn as before and you (Kiwi or Pinoy) will be able to understand me now if Aqui and I do things differently from the way you’re used to. Also, it seems that we are adapting more Kiwi ways than Pinoy ways and I guess that’s understandable because we will be here for quite a while. As they say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. But ofcourse, we still pick up from the Philippines what we believe is good for Aqui. We still want the best of both worlds for her.
From Birth
The Kiwi Way
Immediately after the baby comes out, she is given to the mum for skin contact. I remember holding her amidst all the goo and blood. Ronnel had a chance to hold her as well before she was whisked away to undergo the Apgar test.
The Pinoy Way
Babies are immediately sent to the nursery and the dad's first glimpse of baby is through a glass window. I remember when my youngest sister was born and my dad and I were looking through the window, searching for the right baby to look at.
The Verdict: Kiwi Way wins. I guess that's why you wont hear much of baby switching here unlike in the Phils where it's the theme of most soap operas.
The First Night
The Kiwi Way
If it wasnt for Aqui's blood sugar monitoring requirements, she would have been in the room with me. Tin, a friend of mine who recently gave birth had her baby room in her on the first night and she recalled a time when Neon was crying and was hungry but she had no idea on what to do and had to wait for the nurse. Here, no visitors are allowed to sleep over at the hospital, yep, even the husband. I remember on the second night when Aqui was with me how frustrated I was because we were still both learning to breastfeed. I was exhausted when morning came and was really looking forward to Ronnel coming back.
The Pinoy Way
In the Philippines, the whole family can room in with you. I'm not sure if they put in a limit now but when my sister was born, we all slept in my mum's room, awaiting every moment the nurse brings in my little sister from the nursery.
The Verdict: I'm leaning towards the Pinoy Way, remembering how exhausted I was at nights with Aqui, especially since I had a C-section. I had to get up from bed and pick her up to feed her several times and thank God for the pain relievers, I couldn't feel a thing.
Handling With Care
The Kiwi Way
Here, babies are treated normally rather than like a fragile object. When I first saw how Aqui was being handled by the midwives, I almost gasped in horror. It's not that they manhandled her but it's just very different from how nurses back home handle babies. Her tiny arms are being stretched as if the were of a ten year old. Once, a nurse, shoved Aqui's face onto my breast to force her to feed. I also saw a mum patting her baby's back so hard, you'd think the baby's head will come off.
The Pinoy Way
There, we treat newborns with the utmost care possible. The cradle hold is the only way to hold a baby and you have to be very gentle especially with the arms and legs because the bones aren't formed yet, they say. I remember I couldn't hold my sister yet in the first few days and when I eventually did, I felt like a hundred eyes were looking at me.
The Verdict: Although it takes time getting used to, I prefer the Kiwi way. Doctors say that babies survive the most traumatic thing that could ever happen to them by going through delivery, squished and prodded, so there is no need for special handling. Of course, there is still the need to hold them carefully. As for the soft spot, the “fontanelle” or in Filipino, the “bumbunan”, I’m quoting this from a book they gave me here, “It is not delicate, painful nor dangerous to touch. The brain beneath it is well protected by a tough fibrous covering…. As for the head, there’s no chance that it will dislocate or fall off.” This was a revelation to me and it changed a lot of how I view baby-handling.
When we went to the doctor, I was advised to have lots of tummy time for her. This was unheard of in the Philippines. Newborns are supposed to be always on their backs because they cant support their heads yet and they might suffocate when put on their tummies. Here, they purposely put them on their tummies so that the neck muscles develop. Stretching and massaging of the arms and legs are encouraged for bone and muscle development (thus, our JaiHo dance). I was skeptical of this but I followed doctor’s advice and did tummy time for at least 5 minutes a day and see in the picture below how Aqui can now lift her head up!
The Nursing
The Kiwi Way
I didn’t know that breastfeeding was this challenging. I thought it was going to be a natural thing for me and baby but it took us some time to get into it. Here, they teach you the right way of nursing. They even have full day breastfeeding classes and lactation consultants. I had a hard time developing this skill and although I loved the feeling of oneness that I have with Aqui during nursing sessions, I hated the pain it caused my poor breasts. A lactation consultant came to see me and watch me feed and gave me advice. According to her, breastfeeding should be pain-free and a wonderful experience. We are getting better at it now. There is less pain and I’m sure with more practice, we’ll perfect the technique.
The Pinoy Way
I’m not sure how breastfeeding is taught in the Philippines but I think it’s taught by the mother to the nursing daughter. Unfortunately for me, I don’t have my mum or mother-in-law here so I have to rely on support from the nurse or consultant. I guess it’s true when they say it takes a village to raise a child. I remember Ronnel telling me a month after I gave birth, “Kaya naman pala natin tayo lang e.” (Roughly translated: See? We can do it even with just us two here.) This is his way of allaying my fears of not having the capability of caring for Aqui especially in the first few weeks. I desperately wanted to have family support here, even to the point of wanting to ask my mom to drop her job in the US for a while to accompany me here. But Ronnel kept assuring me that we will survive and we did. It was no easy task though but once again, it strengthened the EingeNel tandem.
The Verdict: Seems like the Kiwi Way wins.
Sleepytime
The Kiwi Way
Plunket (a child health service provider here in NZ) lent me a DVD to watch on how to put babies to sleep. In the DVD, it says babies must be left alone to settle themselves to sleep. They gave tips on how to check if baby is sleepy and tired. (1) Rubbing eyes (2)Yawning (3) Staring into space and (4) Grizzling The last one is the hardest one because this is what you’ll see most of the time. Grizzling is the act of crying on and off and you’ll hear this a lot when you leave your baby alone to settle. They encourage you to leave the room so that you won't hear your baby crying.
Aqui usually sleeps during feeding time and I was gently told off by the lactation consultant about this. According to her, feeding and sleeping must be disassociated. I have to wake her up everytime she falls asleep while feeding. This was very heart-wrenching for me and I battled with myself every time I did it, thinking “What harm would it to Aqui if I just leave her there sleeping?” But I thought that there was no harm in trying as well. So I did it. It was days of training her the pattern and even now, we’re still training her to understand that feeding and sleeping are two different things. So we follow the pattern “Feed – Change Nappy – Play / JaiHo time – Sleep”. It is hard work especially when it comes to sleeping time and I put her down to sleep. Every cry she makes tugs my heart and makes me feel I’m a bad mother.
The Pinoy Way
In the Philippines, babies are left to sleep in the warmth of the mum’s arms (or somebody else’s). I remember putting my little sister to sleep by rocking her to the song of “Kailan”. I couldn’t put her down or she’d wail and the neighbors will throw rocks at our window (well, not really but they’d complain of the noise.) That is why we need the whole village for a baby, one pair of arms is not enough for a wailing sleepy babe.
The Verdict: I’m still torn between the two so I’m mixing both. In the morning or as much as I can, I use the sleepytime method and I leave her to sleep on her own without rocking or feeding her. At night (when Ronnel needs uninterrupted sleep for work the next day), I nurse and rock her to sleep. She’s settling better now. Her wails are getting shorter and shorter and she falls asleep on her own most of the time.
Aqui Settling Herself
Playtime
The Kiwi Way
Here, playtime is a lot physical which meant straining almost all parts of the body. Two years ago when we first came here, we saw a 4-year old child in the park rolling on a hill while the dad looks on while another child climbs up the ladder of a slide without supervision. I was horrified that this was the norm here. Now, I understand what that was all about. Children are left to discover things on their own – of course in a safe manner. Liway, the daughter of friends of ours, has scrapes all over her face every time we see her and before, I really didn’t understand this but now, I see that it’s all for her own good. I think Kiwis train their children this way in preparation for an All Blacks audition.
The Pinoy Way
In the Philippines, every little bit of a child’s step is supervised by the parents. You’d see a mom speeding so fast if a child stumbles. We smother them with our love and care. I guess this way works in the Philippines because it is indeed scary outdoors with all the crazy speeding drivers and kidnappers.
The Verdict: I’m for the Kiwi way here. I like how Liway is tough and doesn’t cry on every fall and how she picks herself up. This shows faith - that her parents are there when she needs them the most and confidence - that she can handle things her own.
So there you go. I’ve shared my dilemma with you and I guess just by doing this, I’ve solved the dilemma a bit. I don’t feel as torn as before and you (Kiwi or Pinoy) will be able to understand me now if Aqui and I do things differently from the way you’re used to. Also, it seems that we are adapting more Kiwi ways than Pinoy ways and I guess that’s understandable because we will be here for quite a while. As they say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. But ofcourse, we still pick up from the Philippines what we believe is good for Aqui. We still want the best of both worlds for her.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Jai Ho Daddy!
I'm in the process of creating a video for Aqui's christening and here's a part of it... Watch out for the full video soon. :-)
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