Honouring Tatay

When death takes away a loved one, your whole world stops. Our world stopped. We re-prioritised. We revalued. Re-evaluated. The problem is even when our world stopped, the world around us hasn't. Work piled up. Amortisation. School activities. Kindergarten. Community activities. Life. 

I wish there was a pause button where we could properly grieve and heal. But life doesn't work that way. It goes on and one of the greatest fears we have is that when life takes over, we forget that we've lost a loved one. Ronnel shared this with me and this was one of the fears I had when I lost mama. Only now he articulated it so well that I remember why I started wearing bright red lipstick then. Why I wore her clothes. Why I couldn't give away her belongings. Because I was afraid that with time passing and life's business, I will forget mama. When I heard Ronnel say that I realised how impossible my fears were then, impossible but real. It is impossible to forget a loved one, as there's that gaping hole in our heart. You can't see that hole but it's very real. Every pinch we feel when we hear their favourite song or read their favourite verse reminds us of that hole. But I know this feeling, the fear of smiling too soon, of laughing too soon, of living too soon.

I have no answer for Ronnel for this. I can only support him through this process. It's doubly hard for him because he had no time to prepare. With mama, I had a few months. Ronnel had only a few days. And some of those days I even took away. I pray that he forgives me. I would have made different choices if I knew then what I know now. But life also doesn’t have a rewind button. We cannot change the past but we can change the future. We make tequila out of lemons. We look at the time we have and heal as much as we can in whatever way we can. 

One way to heal is to honour. Yesterday was the 40th day since Tatay left this world. In Filipino Catholic tradition, we celebrate the 40th day to mark the soul's entry to heaven. There are no strong biblical origins of this tradition but it is a venue for the family to pray and come together once more to honour a loved one's passing. As we are far away, we had our own small gathering of five and prayed the novena with a makeshift altar for Tatay.

I’d like to honour Tatay by sharing the lessons I’ve learned from his life. I did this with mama too and hope that in this way, it can cover that hole in our hearts a bit.  Here are the top 5 lessons from Tatay.

Lesson 1. It's never too late. Tatay's first few years building his family with nanay wasn't the best. This was the stereotype family with a couple who married young and still finding themselves and in those early years, Tatay lost his way. He knew that. He said that several times and used that history in his talks in the church and community. But that wasn't the crux, it was the change in him that was more important than anything else. And his change wasn't overnight. It was a long gradual process and there may still be remnants of his old life but who he is in the last 20 years of his life was no way near the former twenty. So it's never too late. A little change can go a long way. 

Lesson 2. Give your best and God will do the rest. I'm paraphrasing this from Joma's sharing / eulogy. Joma, my brother-in-law and Tatay's youngest son, shared one advice Tatay told him in one of their father-son sessions. Tatay told him that when he is confronted with an adversary, use whatever is around you, get the biggest rock you can find and give it your best shot. Father and son are not violent so this was a metaphor for using the resources around and giving your best to accomplish any task at hand. Mediocrity is not an option. 

Lesson 3. Go through the stages. I talked about this in my previous post when Tatay shared his process of acceptance. He knew early on that there was something wrong, and that things could go for the worst. Tatay never said it was easy but it was easier because he went through the process stage by stage until he's accepted and surrendered everything to God. In life, there are times when we get the wind knocked out of us and we feel lost. Tatay has taught me that the best way to face these things is to do it at your own pace, in stages, bit by bit. Just like how you eat an elephant, a bite after another.

Lesson 4. Love and show it while you can, every way and every time you can.  I've always seen Tatay express his love in different ways. I don't know if he's been using the language of love but it feels like he's been matching his expression with the language of the recipient. With Nanay, he's always been affectionate. His language and manner speaks loudly "I am proud to be her husband. She is the love of my life.” You can see this in his FB posts and the endearing manner with how he treats Nanay. It is not all rosy though, especially when the sickness hit. He became irritable and short-tempered but even during those days he recognised this and asked Nanay to be more patient with him. Nanay, ever as admirable, replied “If I was patient with you then even without your sickness, how more so now when I know you’re hurting?”  With his grandchildren, he showered them with affection and gifts — it didn’t matter how big or small.  Aqui still remembers her mini-store built by his Lolo. How creative is that?  Even I, as an in-law felt so much love from Tatay every time I was there. I never felt like an outsider.  And when it was time to leave for NZ, he would fill our luggage with things he knew I needed and wanted, even before I knew it.  I would be surprised with how much he’s given me before I even ask.

Lesson 5. Follow your heart. Do what makes you happy. This is a dilemma because there are times that what makes you happy can hurt others so take this lesson with caveats.  With Tatay, happiness for him is seeing his loved ones happy and serving God.  The trick is to balance these two because there are only 24 hours a day and serving God, evangelising, counselling others and building the church takes time away from family.  Ronnel was affected most by this and he shared this in his eulogy in the church. But this was what made Tatay happy and he accepted that. I admired my husband’s courage in sharing this in front of all, inside the church where Tatay has served.  But it is true. The time taken away by service is time we cannot take back and there is that balance we need to hold because at the end of it all, it will be family that will matter the most.  Even in his last days, Tatay thought most of his family. When he was being brought to the hospital and could barely speak, he kept on saying the name of a restaurant, telling everyone to eat there. Ronnel promised him we would all eat together after he’s left the hospital. Unfortunately, we couldn’t keep the promise to eat there with him but we still went out and ate there as a family.

I know there are so much more lessons to share from Tatay’s life. Family and friends, add more here if you have any to share. 

I guess what’s more important than the lessons is how we live them in our lives.  Ronnel is still grieving and healing, and the pain is still raw in this 40th day and as we celebrate Tatay’s 60th birthday tomorrow. So much have changed in our family despite the world moving around us. We’ve re-prioritised. Previously, our aim was to clear our mortgage when we turn 40. That’s down the drain now.  That triangle of knowing God, serving others and serving your family — we’re tipping over to serving family first.  We know how it feels as children to be not the priority in your family and we do not want our children to feel that at all. By serving my family, I know I am serving God. Today, I have a sick household - husband and 3 children in a myriad of symptoms that may be caused by the flu virus or a tummy bug. They’re all in bed covered in thick blankets which gave me this quiet time to write. I know there is work that has piled up and I am grateful for a workplace that understands. For now, family comes first. There will come a time when our children will have their own lives, hopefully in service of others and God and by that time, we can tip the pendulum to swing to the other side. There is no right or wrong choice to this. We admire people who devote their lives in service of others, that is what makes them happy.  For us, this is what makes us happy.

Our Seven Days with Mama

This post is a collection of the posts that I’ve shared in FaceBook to chronicle the 7-day trip we took to visit my mother who is suffering from metastatic breast cancer. It has now spread to the bones, liver and brain.  This is quite different from the usual posts I share in this blog but it shares the same message — family.
www.gofundme.com/support4emy  (A fundraising site for Emy de la Cruz)

Day Zero

One Week in LA
Photo of the Day: Aqui and Ia waiting for the little plane

  

So this trip is unplanned. On Christmas Day, my sister, my mum and I were in FaceTime crying over how sad this Christmas was. They spent Christmas in the hospital and moved to a nursing facility. She has started on the path of acceptance that this might be her last Christmas and New Years. Originally I planned to visit in April when the fares are low and Ronnel has settled back in at work from his parental leave. I could see how weak she was and how the cancer has taken control of her body. I changed my plans and looked at visiting her sooner. She also said she wanted to see a grandchild. I asked her who- Aqui, Ia or Axle- and it was a hard choice. So Ronnel just said we should just all go and worry about money later. We will earn the money later but the joy that we could bring my mother cannot be measured by money. So we threw caution to the wind - well not that much, We still had some left as we looked for the cheapest fares possible and called in favours for transport to the airport to save money. My friend Tin became my 'logical brain' as she gave me tips and even stuff that I'm likely to need like TSA locks and a travel pillow. Ronnel doesn't like relying on other people because he doesn't want to be a bother to them. This time he gave in because he knew we needed every help we can get. There was little time to pack. I just threw in a bunch of clothing for the whole family and some goods from my stock cupboard. Days like these I'm glad I stock for an apocalypse. I wasn't my usual analytical logical checklist self. I just packed by heart through tear-drenched eyes. 

Now comes the fun. Travelling with three kids is a test on your creativity. We didn't want to make this a dreaded trip for the girls so there is a promise of a special reward on New Years if they behave. When the appeal of a reward wore off, I switched to scare tactics. I told them that I was given an option to leave a child with the plane pilot and that was more effective. Every time there was an announcement from the cabin, my girls were in their best behaviour. My girls are in a "drawing" phase / craze so it was good that AirNZ had kid art packs to make them busy. The movies helped a lot too. We can't do much about the sleeping arrangements but it was still good as we sat on together and we were given a bassinet for axle too. Baby Axle amazes me more and more on how chill he is (compared to her big sisters). He is the only baby who slept in the bassinet on the plane. Aqui and Ia never slept in the bassinet even when we were given one on our trips back to the Philippines. Even the people seating across the aisle couldn't help but say how Axle was so good at everything- he ate well and slept through the night, wasn't fussy at all and was generally a happy baby throughout the flight. A flight attendant was enamoured with him and cuddled him every time she passed by our row. Another old lady was taking a video of him bouncing on Ronnel's lap. Axle is a very chill and happy baby.

One Week in LA: Day 1
29 December 2014

Photo of the day: Mama meets Aqui for the first time.

Arrived LAX at around 10:05 am which was earlier than the scheduled arrival but took a long time to claim our bags because they weren't there immediately.

We've been blessed travelling with kids because you get to go on express lanes, bypassing the long queues.

We also met a kababayan, Mr Cruz who was the customs officer looking at our passports. He even gave the girls Mickey Mouse stamps as souvenirs of their first visit

Exhausted and hungry, we grabbed a quick bite from In and Out, my sister tells me this is a popular pseudo natural fast food joint in LA. True enough the queues were long.

Logistics wise, we are very blessed to have good people surround my sister and mother. We were lent a baby capsule (thank you to EJ's friends at church and a van (again thank you Tito Ernie). And of course, my mother's landlord, the Bumacod family, for being so hospitable and allowed us to stay in my mum's room during our stay here. Thank you for putting up with the noise that my kids generate and for the care that you've continuously shown my family. 

The first meeting with my mum (after almost ten years for me and Ronnel and first time since birth for my kids) was bittersweet. I love that we are here with her but it's heartbreaking to see her like this.

Because of the tumour on her right frontal lobe, the left side of her body is paralysed. She is unable to move and is highly dependent on people around her. This must be very challenging for her knowing how independent and strong she is - this cancer taking control of her life is evil.

I could see Aqui, my 5 year old, processing In her young brain, the things she is seeing here and what's happening around her. She knew her grandmother was sick and she probably had her own preparation in her mind since we did FaceTime chats and we talked about it extensively at home. But nothing compares to witnessing it with her own innocent eyes. She was pensive for quite some time and wary about her surroundings. She did the usual 'Mano po' but surprised us all with a very gentle hug to grandma. I asked her why didnt she give her usual big tight hug, she said grandma might get hurt. This is one of the proudest moments as a mother. Knowing that my daughter has empathy and compassion is better than finding out she aced her writing exercises. When my mother and I were crying, my girls Aqui and Ia ran to us, asking if we were hurt and where does it hurt while patting our backs and hugging us. 

My mother is in a nursing facility and she shares a room with two other patients. The nurse to patient ratio looks like 1 is to 10 but it feels more like 1:100. I am very thankful for the nurses and caregivers in the facility. This is government funded and they only can do so much. They too are people, they get tired, they get sick but still they have to tend to patients every day. I am not making excuses for my mother and I know she has high expectations on what care is given to her. She was a nurse and had been a caregiver too pre-Cancer so she knows what she's talking about. And growing up under her care, I know how demanding she can be. Why do you think I myself have high standards in everything I do? It's not by choice although now, I try to lower it because it's quite stressful. My husband chides me from demanding too much of Aqui on her reading and maths skills and I need to remind myself that what's important is that she's happy and enjoys school. But I digress. I know what my mom's like when she knows what she's talking about and that might come across as rude to other people. And it's doubly hard now because she is frustrated with the control taken out of her hands. She is used to be being the boss, of the office, of our house, of her own life. But not in this case. 

My sister is arranging for a transfer to another facility with hopefully a higher nurse to patient ratio. 

We left the facility as the visiting hours ended and said our goodbyes for now. 

On to the next challenge, how do we fit six people in a small room full of stuff? We are staying at my mother's rental single room while we are here. With a lot of Tetris-like moves, we got a temporary solution. Baby and I stay on the bed while Ronnel and the girls sleep on the floor and my sister on the floor on the other side as well.

One Week in LA: Day 2

30 December 2014

Photo of the day: My family sleeping arrangement. Axle is clearly the boss.

You know how the things you've planned and scheduled to happen never go your way? That's our whole life metaphorically but literally, it's day two for us.

In my mind, I've scheduled to clean up mama's room by lunchtime so we can go back to the hospice again to see her. Well, I was still cleaning up by 5pm and I wasn't even half complete! I should have known though because I am my mother's daughter. Those who are close to me know how I hoard and keep stuff and it's hereditary. My siblings are not free of this affliction- we just hoard different stuff. We are a family of hoardkeepers- we keep stuff in bulk. My mother keeps everything. And I mean everything. Old receipts. Photos. Plastic bags. Old cartons. Clothes that don't fit her anymore. Even seeds from the fruits she eats. I saw several avocado seeds in plastic bags because she plans to bring them to the Philippines to plant them herself. Sorry for 'outing' our family secret, mama. When I saw mama yesterday, she gave me authority to decide which stuff to keep and which to throw away. I had my sister witness that because a true hoarder is attached to stuff and I'd hate for mama to get mad at me for throwing out stuff. When she gave me that authority, it dawned on me that she has really started on the path of acceptance. But she still has a strong fighting spirit. She lifts everything to God and will fight this evil cancer to the end but is also getting ready if she loses the battle. And one way is to start organising her stuff. 

And so here I am, a daughter's dream come true: shopping from my mother's closet. BUT the dream has quickly turned into a nightmare. Taking her clothes off the closet gave me a timeline of how things progressed. Her clothes started at size XL, then L, then M, then S and now she is XS (or Petite in LA lingo). I was in an emotional roller coaster while I was packing her stuff away. Every time I see a receipt dated 2007 (did i say she kept EVERYTHING?), I can see how she bought stuff for family. When I open her old and torn wallets, I saw our photos taken ages ago so each old wallet would hold how her children 'looked' at a point in time. (Which brought me back in time when I was still a size S). 

By 7pm, my sister got back from work and the family is hungry. Ronnel looked after the kids while I tidied up and it's not an easy task and I can see him drained of all the energy. In times like this, I can see what marriage is all about. Ronnel has been my rock through all of this. I don't honour my husband enough and he hates public displays of affection. In fact I think he doesn't agree with me sharing all of these to the rest of the world but he accepts it because he knows this is my therapy. Writing is my therapy. And you reading my writing is part of that therapy. And maybe we can feel the power of many praying for mama. Did I tell you this visit was his idea? I think I mentioned that in Day Zero. Imagine that kind of commitment? That's a drain not only to our physical and emotional resources but also to our financial resources. But he never complained. Because he knows I am going through more. And I can't complain because I know my mother is going through even more. 

Day 2 wasn't a total fail. Although we were unable to visit mama (hospice visiting hours are limited), I got to organise half of her room. I got to reminisce. I got a free shopping spree on her L size clothes (I told mama she needs to get well and visit NZ to take them back). Tomorrow is another day. 

One Week in LA: Day 3

31 December 2014

Photo of the day:  The happiest place on earth

The main purpose of our visit is to make mama happy. And of course we should go to the happiest place on earth - Disneyland. 

Now I think all of the people in LA wanted to be happy too because it was too crowded that even a needle won't be able to find a space to get through. 

I realised we have bitten more than we can chew. It's already a mission with 2 girls and a baby but with mama as well, it has become a trip to the moon. And I'm no astronaut. I lack the skills and experience of caring for a patient. I feel helpless every time I see mama struggling, trying to move herself in a wheelchair, getting at least some independence in any way. Sorry and Excuse Me became my most used words today as I weave through the crowd. The promise of Queen Elsa and Princess Anna kept the girls in their best behaviour but there is only so much good behaviour the girls can maintain. And so my attention is split multiple ways. We don't have the luxury of time so we can't queue for the rides. And I take back my claim of chilled out Axle. Not even the coolest baby can hold out on milk too long. Stress and going back to work has lowered my milk supply drastically and Axle prefers warm milk. We originally planned to stay and wait for the fireworks but fatigue took over not just mama but everybody as well. My sister wanted us to stay longer and for the girls to try the rides but reality set in. It's no longer feasible. We came here because of a promise that we wanted to fulfil 30 years ago. I was 5 and mama promised to bring me to Disneyland. Now that we are here, Mama kept on saying sorry because this isn't how she wanted it to be. I told her the 'how' doesn't really matter, what matters is that the promise was fulfilled. And like man's first step on the moon, this was a great achievement for us too. What matters is mama is happy. The kids being happy is just a bonus.

One Week in LA: Day 4

01 January 2015

Photo of the day:  The Wild Guyabano Tea mama takes everyday

Everyone was exhausted with yesterday's day out and we didn't want to risk mama having an episode so we decided to sleep in a bit. 

And because we didn't have the means of preparing our own food, we had to eat out. America's problem with obesity starts with how cheap fast food is and how expensive healthy food can be. We went to Jollibee! 

On day 4, I realised how strong my sister Len is to be able to go through this day in day out. Out of us 3, she is the spoilt one, the favourite, the privileged. And so when this tragedy struck, she was also struggling to cope. It took her some time but she is getting back on her feet. It's not easy though. There was a time that I got annoyed with her for not answering my emails or messages. When I got here, I realised why. She just doesn't have the time. This situation consumes not just her time but also her energy. She has a job to support their daily expenses but it's still not enough. Mama has a routine to follow everyday and that is also managed by Len. She needs to make mama Guyabano tea and prepare her raw juice everyday. She is the one who rubs ginger oil on mama's back every time it hurts. I can only do these things this week but she does this everyday. She has to tend to her and look after her needs. My little sister has grown up and is getting stronger each day with this challenge. I feel sorry that I can't take her place and be with her to help out more. She understands I can't leave my children and is already happy to receive a week reprieve. She is still quite young and have a lot to learn but she is the best thing that mama has now. Help me pray for my little sister, that she may continue to have the strength to look after mama and herself, that she may be blessed with good health and opportunities to succeed. That this new year will be better than 2014.

One Week in LA: Day 5

02 January 2015

Photo of the day: Mama with the girls in Santa Monica Beach

Today was the hardest day of this one week in LA. We started the day with mama's routine tea and raw juicing and went to see her oncologist. I don't want to share all the details but let's just say I blanked out when the doctor asked if I had more questions. Len was more rational and was able to ask questions on pain management and any other option we can explore. I can be so confident at work in interviews and workshops but in this one, I failed. I don't have any excuse except for my mind wasn't able to process the information from the doctor properly. It keeps on rejecting the idea and the possibility of farewell. The doctor has mentioned God's plan several times. He says only God knows when it's time. And he said that mama is a very brave woman, if not, the bravest patient he has. She knows what she wants and she doesn't want to take the risk of losing herself. This evil cancer has already robbed her of independence and quality of life and she is not going to give it the satisfaction of robbing her of her memories and dignity. She still - as do we- believes that a miracle will happen.
Mama is still sharp and clever as ever. Her instructions on how I sort her stuff in her room are clear and logical, she even remembers where she put all her stuff, even the tiniest detail. But I fear that this will not last long. We asked the doctor what timeline should we be expecting. He gave a very safe answer. He said, "I can tell you this. She will not die tomorrow, neither the next day or next week. But I can't promise next month or the following after that. So live day by day and enjoy every moment you spend together." And so that's what we are doing. We are trying to give her everything that will make her happy and the peace of mind that the people she will be leaving behind will be fine.

One Week in LA: Day 6

03 January 2015

Photo of the day: Meeting my Aunts after 30++ years

Today is a "reconnecting ties" day.

My aunts drove all the way from San Francisco to meet us. This is the first time seeing them after 30 years. At first I was hesitant about meeting them because I feel bad for having them drive for so long and I don't know what kind of people they are-- and I'm sure they are wondering the same thing about me, having only met me when I was a child. But all the anxiety disappeared when I met them as I only felt their warmth and overflowing compassion for us. One good thing that came out of this situation is it pulled the family together. I never would have met my aunts. I never would have gone to LA with the whole family - not until the kids are bigger and we have paid off our mortgage. But God's plans are different from mine and I can only succumb to Him. I still do not know the answer to my questions-- Why is He allowing this kind of suffering to my mother? What does He want us to do? Should we fight or let go? Does He really want mama to turn down radiation and chemo and take the natural way? Is the decision we are making the best one? All of these questions remain unanswered as I lift everything to Him. 

I've started packing for our trip back home at the same time continuing to organise mama's room. I've cleared out her closet and packed them into boxes ready for whatever happens - if a miracle happens, it's stored and labeled so she can wear her clothes again but if God takes her, then the plan is to donate them, or have a garage sale if possible to help with the cost incurred thus far. And debts have piled up really. I hate talking about money - or the lack of it- I've seen it drive relationships and people to ruin but avoiding it also has the same impact. If I didn't go to LA, I wouldn't find out how dire their situation is. As a parent, I think mama didn't want us to worry, same with papa. But as children, we also cannot help but worry and hiding the real situation doesn't do any good. But I know it isn't too late yet. There is still time and there is a lot that can be done.

One Week in LA: Day 7

04 January 2015

Photo of the day: Our last stop before saying goodbye at Holy Family Church

Today is our last day in LA. Some already have asked why we can't stay long and that the seven days stay is not commensurate to the cost of airfare. In Filipino, hindi sulit. No amount of time is ever enough. Life doesn't stop. But this is all we have for now. And we make do. We made the best of every minute in that seven days. And these are the 7 lessons I learned during those 7 days:

1. God is good. All the time. Despite all the unanswered questions, we remain steadfast. I know He has a plan for mama. I just don't know what it is yet. But I have faith. He has never failed us. His plans may be different from mine and I can only pray for discernment so that I can adapt to those differences. I was very disappointed when my plan for my aunt to come visit us to help out with Axle didn't push through and I lost sleep thinking where I went wrong. When I found out about mama, only then did it dawn on me that maybe He planned this so that we can go there as a family and maybe He wants my aunt to go there to take care of mama. The first one is done and the latter, we are working on.

2. To understand someone, walk a mile in her shoes. Being there for one week opened my eyes to the pain and suffering mama is going through and the difficulties my sister has to face day by day. That's because I witnessed and experienced it myself. I walked in their shoes. And these are big shoes to fill. My sister continues to amaze me with how she is handling things, how she's grown up from my sosyal sister to the hard working focused strong and loving person that she is now. She is truly being hand crafted and put into the fire by the Master to become a diamond.

3. Little things matter. Whenever we had our photos taken, mama would ask for my lipstick. I can see that she is still the mama that I know despite the gaunt face and the thin hair. She is still as kikay as ever. Or when we go out, she has tissues everywhere and she hoards them like crazy from any place she could get them from the facility. These little things are what make my mother Mama. She is who she is and we love every inch of her. She is a very strong woman. She endures the pain and tries to keep it all in.

4. Do not hoardkeep. (Should I claim invention of this word?) So this is a no brainer BUT to a family of hoardkeepers, this is next to impossible. I still haven't finished organising mama's room and there is still quite a few to organise under the bed and some boxes. Sure, it's good to keep all the cards and letters you've received but surely not the years of bills or receipts. I myself am guilty of hoard keeping and I've started selling or giving away Aqui and Ia's baby clothes and toys. I'm only leaving one or two for sentimental value.

5. Laugh. Even in this dire situation, we still find opportunities to make each other laugh (thus, Axle's photo wearing mama's wig). Mama even joked a lot about how she will stick around as a ghost to scare us.

6. Take care of your health. I will start juicing again when I'm back at NZ. It really takes commitment because you need to do a lot of prepping but since Mama is doing it, I will too. I only found out that she was given one month by the doctor and now she has surpassed this by three months-- and juicing could have contributed. Avoid stress.

Mama reckons the root of this cancer is stress. Their life in LA hasn't been a bed of roses even in pre-cancer days. A popular misconception is that when you live abroad, life is easy. It's not. And the fast paced dog-eat-dog lifestyle in LA didn't help. At one point, mama had four jobs to keep up with the standard of living there. I'll stick with Wellington. We may not have giant malls and what little shops we have close at 5pm but we have a lot stuff we can do together as a family. When we brought mama to Santa Monica beach because she felt stuffy at the hospice, we saw how crowded the beach was and how people used it as a runway. People were dressed up and adorned with designer stuff. I was underdressed for the beach with my worn-more-than-once pants and Axle vomit-stained top. The LA lifestyle didn't appeal to us and I realised it was because we fell in love with Wellington. I love that in Welly, we have time to pick flowers and admire how the clouds look like the intro of Simpsons. I love that Ronnel and I have time to be hands on parents, that we are not pressured to be at the top of the ladder. But I don't think that this can only be done in Wellington. I believe it's a matter of mindset. That wherever you are, you can control your priorities in life, you can consciously avoid this cancer-inducing stress. At the end of the day, all that you've worked for is naught when this evil cancer hits you.

7. Lastly, I've learned to live life day by day, to appreciate and show the people around me how much I love them. Mama and Papa aren't really showy when they were together and my siblings and I don't hug or say I love you to each other. This week, I made up for all that. I hugged mama every chance I got. I appreciate and commend my sister. Imagine, she took the week off so she can be with us. That is a big deal in LA especially since she is still on a probation period. God is good to have given her an employer who've allowed this. Also, I appreciate my husband Ronnel and my children for supporting me through this trying time. It is not an easy feat travelling with kids or managing our finances. That vow for sickness and in health has been tested this week.

Another thing I've discovered is that by sharing my thoughts on FB, I found out how common cancer is - I am not alone. Friends have messaged me saying that they are going through or have gone through the same thing, sending words of support and prayers. Thank you. I appreciate you. Let's continue the fight for our loved ones. 

So those are the seven lessons. I'm sure I've learned more but I'm just too exhausted to think. I'm writing this through tears in our trip back to NZ as Ronnel and the kids sleep uncomfortably in their seats. 

I originally planned to work the day after we arrive but I don't think I will be productive as I am emotionally and physically drained. There is still so much to do. I've brought tons of mama's stuff to sell in NZ, hoping that the proceeds could add to the funds my sister is raising. I still consider myself lucky because I at least have a day to recuperate. My sister and mother don't have this luxury. Please pray for them. And if you can, help her. Help us. Please visit www.gofundme.com/support4emy

Pre-Christmas Activities

Up Clause and Personal

It has been a very busy week for us and that means more pictures and stories for you, my blog readers… For starters, last Saturday, Ronnel and I went to the movies. Yup, it is a very very rare occasion for us to go to the movies. Imagine, we were in Malaysia for two whole years and we only went to the movies four times! It’s not that we don’t want to watch movies, in fact, it’s the opposite. We watch movies everyday… at home! Well, thanks to our favourite torrent sites, we get to watch the latest movies at no cost at all, except for the internet connection of course. But of course, watching movies at the movie house offers a different experience so there we were, at Courtney Place’s Reading Cinema, enjoying Tim Allen’s new Santa Clause movie. The movie was really good but maybe we’re biased because we both love Tim Allen, all the way back to his Home Improvement days. Anyway, we thought that Reading Cinema was called that way because there were subtitles or it’s a movie house for the deaf and thanks to Paul, we learned that it wasn’t that, they just called it Reading Cinema, as a brand.

Part-ay!

On Tuesday, BNZ Technology (this is the IT Division of BNZ, just like ISI for BPI and Scope for Standard Chartered) held its Christmas party at the Boatshed-- a multi function hall near the lake. As it was my first official NZ party, I didn’t know what to expect. It was supposed to be a summer theme but the weather wasn’t cooperating so it was hard to wear a sun dress or short shorts. However, since there was an award for the best dressed, some braved the cold weather and wore summer outfits. Our team went to the $2 shop to buy some beach balls and inflatable tubes but it was so funny coz they were for kids and couldn’t really fit our waists. (Ok, I know Wilson and the guys at Scope are already thinking, “Haha, it’s not small, you’re just fat, Einge.” My retort is, “Sorry guys, I’m not fat here, just curvy. And, I know you guys miss teasing me.)

We Gotta Wiiiiiiiii

I guess you would have known by now just by looking at our avatars in YM that we got a Nintendo Wii! Well, it’s actually my Christmas present for Ronnel, knowing that he’s crazy about these game consoles. (He gave me a new battery for my phone and it's a little pricey coz we had to have it shipped from Australia. They dont have it here in NZ. Good thing, he still had some credit left in his Maybank credit card.) Anyway, Ronnel was thinking of getting either the xbox 360 or the Wii and I went for the Wii coz it’s really a different gaming experience. It’s like you’re really bowling or playing tennis and stuff. Ok, for those who have no idea what I am talking about, check this out : http://www.wii.com . Anyway, we pre-ordered the Wii from a local gaming shop, EB Games, as it was scheduled for launch on midnight of December 6. So on Thursday, at around 11 pm, Ronnel and I were at the shop together with other game freaks, queuing to be the first ones in the whole of New Zealand to have the Wii. We had our first Wii game on a Friday night and it was really fun. It’s the first time (ever!) that I beat Ronnel in sports, bowling even! I am very bad at any kind of sports, despite my sporty look. My friends told me that at first glance, they thought I was very athletic but they immediately changed their minds when they saw me play in whatever sports they asked me to. I honestly don’t know why. It’s not that I do it on purpose. I try my very best, I put my whole body and mind into the task, but I still find my face flat on the floor. My P.E. in the university was volleyball, bowling, aikido and cheering (not cheer dancing, but the one where you have to shout and cheer for the team). That was in that order because on my first semester, I wanted to check if my bad luck from high school would carry over to the university. Well, it did. I nearly flunk volleyball because I always miss my serves, I look far away, thinking I hit the ball, when in fact it was just on my foot. I was able to up my score because there was an option to write a thesis about it. I aced the thesis and flunked the practical. In bowling, I had a passing mark but only because my prof took pity on me and gave me a mark for effort. On the third sem, I veered away from balls so I took Aikido. It was still a disappointment. I couldn’t fall correctly and all the energy I could get from my opponent was used against me instead of the other way around. Again, thanks to the thesis requirement, I passed. So for the last semester, I made sure I wasn’t going to involve myself in any kind of activity that requires me to move, thus, I went for cheering. All I had to do there was attend my university team’s games against other schools and cheer for my team. I had a high score in that class. Yay!

Ok, so back to the Wii. Since this wasn’t really sports per se, it wouldn’t be a surprise if I was good at it. Imagine? My score in bowling was 144 points! I remember back in our Scope bowling team, I barely got a 60 and I cried in the washroom because I was ashamed of myself, thinking I pulled my team down and it was all because of me that we didn’t win or something. Of course, my friends told me that it was just a fun game and it didn’t matter if we won or not but I felt bad just the same, and as you all know, I am a cry baby. I cry in the movies, I cry when I read a book, heck, I even cry on those touching TV commercials. Oops. I’m talking about myself again and not the Wii. Anyway, the Wii is a great game. You can create your own character, called the “Mii” and just like an Avatar, make it look exactly like you. Thanks to Nintendo for coming out with this. Because of Nintendo, I have regained my confidence in sports.. hahahaa

Saturday Shopping Stravaganza
Have I told you I met another Filipino friend in BNZ? Well, my boss introduced me to Ate Jojo as they were under the same team years before. Ate Jojo and her family have been in NZ for more than 18 years and they were practically Kiwis. Ronnel and I had lunch with her and a friend of hers last Thursday. It was a filling lunch, from food and stories. We learned a lot as they gave us tips on driving, buying a house and a lot of other things to watch out for in Wellington. She asked me if I wanted to go visit a Filipino store on Saturday. How could I refuse? (Shopaholic mii, remember?) So on a Saturday afternoon, Ate Jojo picked me up from our place. Ronnel was left at home as he was playing with his Wii, I guess he couldn’t accept the fact that he lost to me in bowling. (enter my devil laugh….mwahahaha!) Ate Jojo brought her mom along as we drove to a well known Filipino shop somewhere there (I am geographically challenged). I bought boy bawangs, nagaraya and other Filipino stuff. After that, we dropped by Pak n Save. I guess it was the NZ counterpart for the hypermarts like SM and Carrefoure. But the really cool thing in Pak n Save is that you get to pack your own stuff. I mean you have to bring bags to save on plastic bags, I suppose. I didn’t bring bags so I had to buy from them. I got too caught up in shopping that I didn’t realize I almost filled my cart! In total, I filled 2 bags plus 2 boxes. I knew Ronnel would eat me alive if he saw how many I bought (and how much I spent!) so I sent him an SMS, warning him that I bought enough stuff to last the whole year (well, it was December.. hehehe). We stopped by Johnsonville mini-mall (all malls here are mini-malls for me, waaaah) to have a late lunch and they drove me home. When Ronnel saw how much I bought, he just joked about it. Hmm… I was actually expecting to be reprimanded and I had all these arguments on my defence. I mean, he had to carry about four bags and two small boxes of grocery (Ate Jo even had to help us) and he didn’t scold me or anything? And then I realized why… it was the Wii! He was playing all day and he was in a good mood. I think he mastered bowling already and was ready to take me on anytime. Told ya, the Wii gives a whole new meaning to gaming.

Watch out for my next entry as we will be holding our own team Christmas party. I'll be introducing my new Kiwi friends to the magic of the Filipino Magic Mic!