Earth, Wind and Fire

Earth, wind, fire. These are elements we’ve had to face this past week to remind us how precious life is.  It started with the big quake Monday midnight. It was the strongest quake I’ve experienced since we’ve been in NZ for ten years now.   Our bedroom is beneath our garage and when the quake shook our house, I could hear the ceiling/garage squeaking.  I knew it wasn’t just a simple earthquake – I woke up Ronnel who automatically scooped up Axle as I woke up the girls on the floor bed.  This was one of the benefits of sleeping in one room, I was waking them up, shouting “cover, drop, hold” to remind them of the instructions they’ve learnt from school.  We were by the door when the shaking stopped.  We went back to bed and everyone else slept as if the shake never happened.  I couldn’t sleep.  I could still feel my heart pounding with a million “what ifs” circling my head.  Prayers helped still my heart and squelched the anxiety.  I knew that if the garage collapsed on top of us, our bedroom would slide towards the houses underneath and we’ll probably be ok or worst scenario is, we’d be squashed by the cars and it would be quick and painless.  I knew watching gore films with Ronnel won’t do me good. At this point, I’ve been exchanging texts with my friends, checking up on them. I’ve told my family members across the miles that we were ok.  I still couldn’t sleep and went for my cure-all – my fantasyland, my dramaworld.  I watched a drama—couldn’t even remember what it was—and was able to forget a bit and slept a couple of hours.  The next morning greeted us with a tsunami alert, heavy rains and news of flooding in some areas. It was a flurry of text messages between me and my team, checking up on them, making sure they were ok.  Some had to evacuate to higher ground – all I could offer were virtual hugs and prayers, especially to some I couldn’t contact.  Thankfully, they were all ok.  The following days were full of uncertainty, while our workplaces are being checked for safety.  Fortunately, we were able to work remotely with the help of technology.   It gave us time for self-reflection and time to spend with the family.  On Tuesday, we heard vigorous knocking on our door.  It was our neighbor letting us know, there’s a fire in her house and the fire trucks are on the way.  Didn’t I say- earth, wind and fire?  Fortunately, it was a minor incident but it still frightening especially for our neighbor, who I consider a good friend and my kids’ NZ mum as she’s been looking after our children for 7 years now.   Once safety was confirmed, the next priority is to get things back to normal. The children were oblivious to the what-could-have-beens and what-might-be – kids will be kids but we made sure they knew what happened.  We explained to them how blessed we are to have been unaffected, how we should be grateful and how we should help those who have been affected – and also to prepare for – just in case.   We slept in the living room the following night with our bags near the stairs, ready for pick up in case we need to evacuate.  We are hoping for the best, but ready to face the worst.   In the meantime, we do what our family does best – stick together and enjoy each other’s company.

                                                      

Axle was delighted with the firetruck visit in our neighborhood. 

Kids thought we were camping in the living room.

Another way to get things back to normal is work.  I attended a work conference on Thursday with around 130 like-minded people. I was part of the organizing committee so it was out of the question to not be there, plus I had the materials that were needed on the day and it wouldn’t sit right with me to ditch my responsibility, however little it was.   The venue was deemed safe but there were still aftershocks felt throughout the day.  I’m sure it was still quite unsettling for the participants but we trudged on. I had faith that it would go well. And it did. 

The weekend went by peacefully despite the family being struck with a cold virus – starting with Axle’s temperature, then Ia, then Ronnel, sparing Aqui and me, we lived as if it was any other day.  Our house is still a mess, the kids continue to squabble over little things (I’m sure it’s a big deal for them), Ronnel still watched NBA games and I continued to binge on my Korean and Japanese dramas at night.   At first, I was worried about how ‘unworried’ we were, especially Ronnel. I am slightly jealous that he soundly sleeps at night, not worried about anything. I asked him about it and he reminded me of what real faith means – God has our back, if it’s our time, it’s our time – just like that movie Final Destination.  Ok, this didn’t help me with the sleeping much but it helped my resolve to be reminded of what faith means to my family.  It’s just like our bags in the doorway, we pray and hope for the best but are ready to face the worst.

 

Tomorrow, I’m back at work. I had a dream that while I was meeting with my boss, another earthquake occurred and we had to postpone our meeting. Dreams are usually about either our subconscious hopes or fears – this definitely was the latter.  Regardless of the fear, the worries, we continue to live, love and have faith.

Seeking and Grabbing Opportunities

For the next five days, I am part of a leadership programme run by University of Otago in Dunedin. What this means is I am away from my family for five days.  What this really means is that Ronnel’s parenting skills will be pushed to the limit by our three energetic children.  I am not worried though. Ronnel has proved himself more than sufficient in a longer period and in an even more stressful time last February when I had to go to LA for Mama’s funeral.  So I am not that concerned about the state of our household while I’m away.  Still, there was that niggling feeling that made me uneasy when I got accepted in this programme.  So last week, I had a good talk with Ronnel.  It was really just about me worrying if it was ok to pursue the next level in my career.  Because really, being a mother of three under 5 meant with a busy household, would I have the energy and time to go further? Logically, I shouldn’t feel guilty, I should feel all 'woman empowerment' in me to go ahead but practically, it means less home time. I told Ronnel, I can actually just not pursue this, that I am okay just being where I am.  No stress, just do my job from 8 til 5 and start my other job as a homemaker.  My husband’s reply was “I am not okay with you just being okay.  I want you to be happy.”  And so I go on saying I am happy. I am happy being a wife to him and a mother to Aqui, Ia and Axle.  His response? “I know you’re happy. But I know you too.” And that’s true, Ronnel knows me too well. Being together for almost two decades, there is nothing to hide from each other.  He knew and loved me for being the driven girl that I was when I was 17 and that hasn’t changed despite the weight gain.  At the end of the day, he says, we are in this together. It wasn’t me and him, it was us. And that’s why I love this man so much. 

This brings me back to our first year of marriage, and the first big marital decision we made.  At that time, Ronnel was a junior programmer while I was a project manager at the same company.  Both of us were at a point in our careers when we were looking for opportunities elsewhere because we didn’t get the satisfaction we expected from the company then. The tipping point was when due to stressful overtime periods, Ronnel had swollen lymph nodes which had to be treated — and the company didn’t cover the cost.  I had a senior pm role offer from another bank and he got an offer to work in Malaysia.  So it was either he stays and looks for a job locally while I take the offer or I go to Malaysia with him.  There was never an option of us separating, and when I mentioned it, he asked me what was the point of getting married if we were going to separate anyway? So we prayed hard and made the decision to do the latter.  I remember we went to Nuestra Señora church when we had made that decision. There was something about the priest’s sermon. I don’t remember what it was but I remember how we felt it was THE sign. And it was the start of great things to come.  It wasn’t easy though.  Ronnel had that accident and it was the lowest of the low for us but we survived that.  One day, a colleague of mine mentioned he was looking for overseas work as Malaysian permanent residency was quite hard to attain.  So I asked Ronnel to try looking as well. With his skills and experience in IT, it was not a surprise for him to get good responses. New Zealand was just the first and fastest to respond. And so, true to our vows, we stuck together.  And that decision has never failed us.  

I always wondered where this ‘drive’ came from. I think it is from my parents, even more from my mother.  She always pushed us - my dad, my siblings and me.  She always said, “the talent that was given to you is not yours to keep, it’s something you need to hone and let others experience. Keep it, hide it and God will take it away.” Then she follows this up with the parable of the talents  (Matthew 25:14–30). Years of drilling that into our heads, seeing it with my own eyes as Mama set up companies here and there to achieve her dreams (it wasn’t always successful but she stood up each time and started all over again) and one day, I was just like that.  This is probably why my sister isn't ready to give up the life she and Mama had started in LA, despite all the challenges.  But I am neither jaded nor am I looking at this with rose-coloured glasses. I also saw with my own eyes how too much of that drive can lead you astray.  I also saw first hand how a marriage can slowly crumble with that. How you can drown in debt when trying to get to your dream in haste.  I am blessed to have Ronnel as my anchor, to pull me back when I go too far. He sets me straight before I go feral with ambition. He reminds me about what really matters. He is my conscience, my personal Safeguard commercial so that we are able to make decisions consciously, conscientiously and definitely not alone.  We seek counsel. We pray.

Having three kids is not easy. It is double-standard because it is the woman who bears (more of) the brunt of this.  I remember when I was back from my parental leave with Ia (our second), I would be in tears at work because I felt that I was left behind. The skills that I had were parked for a while and became rusty which meant I had to work harder to catch up.  My colleagues who were at the same level a year before were now in roles that I could have applied for.  It was frustrating. And my mood swings were bad, probably caused by hormones and swinging levels of breastmilk supply. But after a while, I got my game back but even so, the opportunities were no longer there.   With Axle, the timing was a bit off too because I just started my new work.  Ronnel manned up and said he will take half of the parental leave share.  I only took three months off and Ronnel became an at-home dad for the following three months. Can I say again how much I love this man?  

The great thing about New Zealand employment is that qualifications are secondary.  I do not have a Master's Degree let alone a Doctorate and it didn’t matter.  Because the results mattered more.  Of course it helped a lot if you had people (and bosses) who believed in you. And in my whole career life, I was blessed with good bosses who believed in me. In NZ, it is okay to stretch the limits of your job description to pursue career advancement. It means do more for the same pay at your initiative and see where it leads you. I just did the same this time- I saw the leadership programme on the intranet, applied for it and got accepted. Just like joining all those competitions and I won stuff. Do you think I win at every raffle I join? Of course not. I just took chances and so far, it has lead me to more opportunities. It might get me somewhere or nowhere but I would never know if I hadn't tried - or if Ronnel didn't encourage me to try.  That's why it was so important for me that he is ok with this because searching and trying takes time and effort, not to mention the risk of failure. And I have failed many times before but I just didn't take them as failures, just a bit of setback from the goal.  If we were in the Philippines, a way to advance is to get qualifications. There is a clear advancement path in the Philippines. Here, it is all on you.  If you want to advance, you have to be on the look out for opportunities. You have to apply for the role. But it also means that you are limited to the opportunities presented to you. If there is no vacancy for the role you want, then there is no choice but to look elsewhere. There is no such thing as 'getting promoted'.  In the Philippines, I could have stayed in the same role and rise in rank (Assistant Manager, Manager, Senior Manager, Assistant Vice President, VP, SVP, EVP). In fact, that was my father’s career path. He rose from the ranks after years of hard work and loyalty. It stops at EVP because you need a certain bloodline to get to the next level.  When I was little, I wanted to go that path because it was the only path I knew.  Working overseas really opened my world.  Ronnel and I are both ‘iskos’ and in UP, they instil in you that national responsibility - to give back to your country.  So really, leaving the Philippines wasn’t in our plans. But I think we have given back so  much more now than if we stayed. If the disappointments we had back then in our old workplace didn’t happen, we would probably be still with the company.  So maybe that somehow explains the Philippine diaspora, or maybe just ours.  Also, career moves don't always equate to more money, more power. I'm picking Jessie J over Jerry Maguire when I say 'It's not about the money.' It boils down to what matters to you most. 

One thing Ronnel and I have in common is that we are very loyal.  We stick to one.  Ronnel is still with the company he’s been working with ever since we came here. He is treated well. He is happy. He has no reason to leave now.  I left my old company here in NZ not because they didn’t take care of me — they did. But I just felt I wanted to do something more, something different. Maybe one day, when this fire in me has died down, I will go back there, who knows? I haven’t burned my bridges. In fact, I am still a part of a club that meets there regularly.  And it brings music to my ears meeting ex-colleagues who wish I was back there. Or maybe they’re just saying it to be polite :-) So here I am in a totally different industry, a public servant and learning many new things.  My hunger to learn and be the best that I can be is insatiable at the moment and Ronnel feels that. The great thing is, he gets it. He lets me fly. So I am flying (literally because I am writing this during my flight and figuratively of course), and Ronnel is the wind beneath my wings. 

Not Just a Career Move

After almost 15 years of wearing a banking hat, I'm trading it for a beret as I move to the public sector.  It wouldn’t be too unfamiliar as I still am in the same playing field – Business Analysis- but the game rules are different in the government. Very different.

The first thing people asked me when they found out I’m leaving the big bank was “Why?!”.  There are several reasons but I guess it boils down to the seven year itch. Similar to when Ronnel and I decided to get married before we reached 7 years of BF/GF relationship, I had to make a decision on whether I wanted to bring it to the next level or take a hike. I opted for the latter.  And just like how I haven’t regretted getting married, I hope it would be the same with this career move.

So what’s different if I’ll be using the same skills and techniques anyway? For one, the culture is very different.  Friends working in the government advised me not to be frustrated if things are too slow.  My first month gave me the definition of “slow” and it gave me a new perspective on things.  In the banking world, everything was about speed to market.  The favourite line was “I need this yesterday.”  In the government, it’s all about consultation and being meticulous in what we do, ensuring that every thing we do is worth the tax payer’s money.   This is hot topic now in my country with the big scam on using public funds on bogus projects.  But I digress.  That is the reason why the process takes longer, and compared to the corporate world, of course we are seen as “slow”.   

I’m now two months in my relationship with the government.  Just like any new relationship, we are still in the getting to know stage where everything is exciting, hot and steamy. Okay, scratch the last two but you know what I mean.  Let me check back in after the first year if it’s still a bed of roses or if the thorns have already found me.  For now, I’m happy at work, which makes me happy when I get home, happy when I sleep, wake up and happy when I go to work. It’s that cycle.  Hope it stays that way.

Birthday Blessings

Another year has gone and every birthday I’ve had since I hit 25, I go into a reflective mood. Maybe it’s an aging thing. This year was another year of blessings; could even be a peak year for me and Ronnel --definitely the highest point in my life so far, which is so contrasting to seven years ago. That was the time where Ronnel got into that horrible accident and on top of that had to endure horrendous rumors about us.

Come to think of it, my life pre New Zealand was really different. Sure I had great friends but alongside I made bad enemies but it never really bothered me because I always believed in what Aristotle said about the antidote for fifty enemies is one true friend. But lately I’ve been thinking, why take the poison in the first place? I guess looking back, I stupidly took the poison myself without realising it. My only excuse was I didn’t know better. You see, I’ve been brought up in an environment where if you think you’re right, stand up for yourself and don’t let anybody block your way. More often than not, I saw things black and white-- there were no grey areas, and I couldn’t help myself and just have to make those grey areas either black or white. Ronnel calls it my Hero complex, that I think it's on my shoulders to do something to make things right. And of course because I’m no hero, I get into trouble and just make enemies out of friends. I think Ronnel is just being nice when he said that, the truth is, I’m just meddlesome. And yeah, I point it out when I think someone’s wrong... And whoever wants to admit he is wrong? More importantly, who am I to think about others faults when I have done so many wrongs in my life? I’ve come to realise this and gradually became a different person. I want to say I’m better but I don’t want to jinx it yet. And yes, God had a great role in my acceptance of this truth. It is arrogance for me to say that all the achievements we’ve had these years is due to our hard work. It was never just because of that. He always had a hand in everything. Even at our lowest point, He was there. It was then I realised how helpless we are without Him, that at any point in time, life could end...or start anew. So yeah, I’m happy to say for the past six years here in NZ, I’m enemy-free. I don’t claim to be good friends with everyone but I make a conscious effort to watch what I say or do, even think. If I ever feel to wear my hero costume, I say a little prayer in my head to remind myself that I’m not perfect and I’m definitely no hero. And I think this holy week, I will make it an effort to track down people I have hurt to just say sorry. No expectations. Just ask forgiveness for my sheer stupidity.

And gradually, because I’m no longer pre-occupied with illusions of saving the world, I got to count my blessings. I got into more productive stuff. I built lasting relationships. I saw people who were like me before and just prayed for them. Another realisation I had was, if I were the old me, I would have gone to them saying what they are doing is wrong. But that’s the thing, for people like the “me” before, we are never wrong, and that’s why it always goes downhill from there. So the best thing to do is just pray for them. I find that God has a way of taking care of things. The less I meddle, the less words I say, the less hero thoughts I think, the more faith I have in him.

One annoying thing that I know I haven’t gotten rid of, but I’ve definitely mellowed down I think, is my habit of correcting someone else’s grammar. It was payback time for me when Ronnel pointed out my status post in Facebook was grammatically incorrect. At first I couldn’t believe it, me? But it wasn’t the first time-- at work, someone noticed a grammatical slip I made. So yeah I admit that my vigilance for perfecting my non native tongue has slipped a bit. I guess before I always thought that impeccable grammar was end-all and be-all especially since my first course in UP was Speech and Drama. How ironic that my English has gone worse when I am in an English speaking nation. But really, I think I need to brush up on my grammar, I need to write more. I always said before to Ronnel that if we had kids, he'd teach them Math and Science while I do English. I need to pick up my game if I don’t want Aqui correcting my grammar when she grows up. Hmm, come to think of it, my sister has asked me to do a couple of English essays for her school work and a friend asked me to write an article for a local newsletter. Wow, everything is just falling into place. PS: I checked this entry for grammar so hope I didn’t miss anything – if I did, let me know. J

So yeah, another year of blessings has gone, and I know there are more to come. I ask Ronnel that what if this is it, like we are being blessed so much this year in preparation for a time where everything will be taken away from us. Ronnel just keeps on reminding me to have faith, to remember our lowest days, because all days after that are better days.

PS – I’ve got bonus blessings to share on my next post so watch this space.

In the meantime, here are some photos of my colleagues and me having our International Lunch Potluck.

Indian Lamb Curry Paua Fritters

Kiwi Slice Chinese Stir Fry Noodles

My Puto Pandan & Fried Rice Stir Fry Lamb