Another year has gone and every birthday I’ve had since I hit 25, I go into a reflective mood. Maybe it’s an aging thing. This year was another year of blessings; could even be a peak year for me and Ronnel --definitely the highest point in my life so far, which is so contrasting to seven years ago. That was the time where Ronnel got into that horrible accident and on top of that had to endure horrendous rumors about us.
Come to think of it, my life pre New Zealand was really different. Sure I had great friends but alongside I made bad enemies but it never really bothered me because I always believed in what Aristotle said about the antidote for fifty enemies is one true friend. But lately I’ve been thinking, why take the poison in the first place? I guess looking back, I stupidly took the poison myself without realising it. My only excuse was I didn’t know better. You see, I’ve been brought up in an environment where if you think you’re right, stand up for yourself and don’t let anybody block your way. More often than not, I saw things black and white-- there were no grey areas, and I couldn’t help myself and just have to make those grey areas either black or white. Ronnel calls it my Hero complex, that I think it's on my shoulders to do something to make things right. And of course because I’m no hero, I get into trouble and just make enemies out of friends. I think Ronnel is just being nice when he said that, the truth is, I’m just meddlesome. And yeah, I point it out when I think someone’s wrong... And whoever wants to admit he is wrong? More importantly, who am I to think about others faults when I have done so many wrongs in my life? I’ve come to realise this and gradually became a different person. I want to say I’m better but I don’t want to jinx it yet. And yes, God had a great role in my acceptance of this truth. It is arrogance for me to say that all the achievements we’ve had these years is due to our hard work. It was never just because of that. He always had a hand in everything. Even at our lowest point, He was there. It was then I realised how helpless we are without Him, that at any point in time, life could end...or start anew. So yeah, I’m happy to say for the past six years here in NZ, I’m enemy-free. I don’t claim to be good friends with everyone but I make a conscious effort to watch what I say or do, even think. If I ever feel to wear my hero costume, I say a little prayer in my head to remind myself that I’m not perfect and I’m definitely no hero. And I think this holy week, I will make it an effort to track down people I have hurt to just say sorry. No expectations. Just ask forgiveness for my sheer stupidity.
And gradually, because I’m no longer pre-occupied with illusions of saving the world, I got to count my blessings. I got into more productive stuff. I built lasting relationships. I saw people who were like me before and just prayed for them. Another realisation I had was, if I were the old me, I would have gone to them saying what they are doing is wrong. But that’s the thing, for people like the “me” before, we are never wrong, and that’s why it always goes downhill from there. So the best thing to do is just pray for them. I find that God has a way of taking care of things. The less I meddle, the less words I say, the less hero thoughts I think, the more faith I have in him.
One annoying thing that I know I haven’t gotten rid of, but I’ve definitely mellowed down I think, is my habit of correcting someone else’s grammar. It was payback time for me when Ronnel pointed out my status post in Facebook was grammatically incorrect. At first I couldn’t believe it, me? But it wasn’t the first time-- at work, someone noticed a grammatical slip I made. So yeah I admit that my vigilance for perfecting my non native tongue has slipped a bit. I guess before I always thought that impeccable grammar was end-all and be-all especially since my first course in UP was Speech and Drama. How ironic that my English has gone worse when I am in an English speaking nation. But really, I think I need to brush up on my grammar, I need to write more. I always said before to Ronnel that if we had kids, he'd teach them Math and Science while I do English. I need to pick up my game if I don’t want Aqui correcting my grammar when she grows up. Hmm, come to think of it, my sister has asked me to do a couple of English essays for her school work and a friend asked me to write an article for a local newsletter. Wow, everything is just falling into place. PS: I checked this entry for grammar so hope I didn’t miss anything – if I did, let me know. J
So yeah, another year of blessings has gone, and I know there are more to come. I ask Ronnel that what if this is it, like we are being blessed so much this year in preparation for a time where everything will be taken away from us. Ronnel just keeps on reminding me to have faith, to remember our lowest days, because all days after that are better days.
PS – I’ve got bonus blessings to share on my next post so watch this space.
In the meantime, here are some photos of my colleagues and me having our International Lunch Potluck.
Indian Lamb Curry Paua Fritters
Kiwi Slice Chinese Stir Fry Noodles
