The General Chronicles - Part 1

1 July 2014 D-Day minus 2

I have high tolerance for pain, physical pain, that is – probably because I come from a generation used to corporal punishment or maybe from the CAT physical training /pseudo hazing I had to go through in high school.  Either way, it takes a different level of pain to get the waterworks in my eyes.  And so the tears I'm shedding in the wee hours for the past nights for this little General describes how much physical pain I am experiencing with this third pregnancy.

With Aqui, I was induced at 38 weeks and although there was pain, it was only for a day and I had drugs as my crutch.  With Ia, my waters broke at 36 weeks and the labour also lasted for a day. Both were delivered via c-section, and for both, tears only came out of my eyes when I held them for the first time. 

I’m now into my 39^th week with the General, nearly full term and the pre-labour pains are creeping in day by day and worse at nights.  For those who don’t have an idea of this type of pain, imagine stubbing your toe on a sharp corner, multiply that by ten with a build up speed of 30 seconds, height of pain at 10 seconds and a slow down of another 30 seconds. Move that pain to your belly across the back.  To make it more fun, imagine a big boney lump inside you swimming leisurely at the expense of your internal organs.

The frustrating thing is that they're intermittent so I know it’s not labour yet. Even further frustrating is that I cannot take anything for it because I have to experience the pain to know if it was labour or not – and all of this started a few days/nights ago.  The only consolation I have is  that I only have 2D/2N to go before it’s all done… and then it’s a different kind of pain.

So how I do cope? I distract myself. I write. I pray. I stare at my sleeping girls beside me. I online window shop. I’m on Facebook. My TradeMe watchlist is full of nice things to look at. I feel bad for Ronnel because he is also losing sleep, asking me every now and then if I need to go to the hospital yet. I also feel his helplessness because really, there is nothing he can do. He is probably annoyed because all I talk about are the distractions that I use – FB posts, the viral videos, my TradeMe watch list etc.

But I hang in there, because I know that the General is healthy. He is oblivious to the pain he is inflicting and is swimming and just counting the days before his grand appearance… and maybe one day, when he is in his troubled teenage years and decides to inflict a different kind of pain to his parents – I will use this post as a guilt-extracting tool. Maybe. 

Not Just a Career Move

After almost 15 years of wearing a banking hat, I'm trading it for a beret as I move to the public sector.  It wouldn’t be too unfamiliar as I still am in the same playing field – Business Analysis- but the game rules are different in the government. Very different.

The first thing people asked me when they found out I’m leaving the big bank was “Why?!”.  There are several reasons but I guess it boils down to the seven year itch. Similar to when Ronnel and I decided to get married before we reached 7 years of BF/GF relationship, I had to make a decision on whether I wanted to bring it to the next level or take a hike. I opted for the latter.  And just like how I haven’t regretted getting married, I hope it would be the same with this career move.

So what’s different if I’ll be using the same skills and techniques anyway? For one, the culture is very different.  Friends working in the government advised me not to be frustrated if things are too slow.  My first month gave me the definition of “slow” and it gave me a new perspective on things.  In the banking world, everything was about speed to market.  The favourite line was “I need this yesterday.”  In the government, it’s all about consultation and being meticulous in what we do, ensuring that every thing we do is worth the tax payer’s money.   This is hot topic now in my country with the big scam on using public funds on bogus projects.  But I digress.  That is the reason why the process takes longer, and compared to the corporate world, of course we are seen as “slow”.   

I’m now two months in my relationship with the government.  Just like any new relationship, we are still in the getting to know stage where everything is exciting, hot and steamy. Okay, scratch the last two but you know what I mean.  Let me check back in after the first year if it’s still a bed of roses or if the thorns have already found me.  For now, I’m happy at work, which makes me happy when I get home, happy when I sleep, wake up and happy when I go to work. It’s that cycle.  Hope it stays that way.

Happy 8th Anniversary!

Dear Nel,
Sixteen years we've known each other,
Half of it legally and blessedly together,
Thank you for being my best friend, my partner,
And looking forward to more years, more fun, more challenges,
To infinity, beyond and forever.
Well, you're no Edward nor I, Bella,
So let's take this until where it leads us as long as we're together.

I love you,
Yesterday, Today and Forever,

Yeng


I Love I.T.!

I knew I got a pretty good deal when I got FNel.1 who was a great friend and seatmate in class. This model was a great listener who was always there and never had battery drain issues even at 2am when I needed someone to cry over the phone with. In 1998, I upgraded to BFNel.2. Not only did I get a best friend but also a hottie boyfriend which came with perks such as extended battery life, social and family networking and an anti-virus program that took care of my infection from Gullibility and Naivete. The only thing I didn't anticipate in this model were the hidden attachments such as previous owners, bickering and an intelligent opinionated personal assistant named Serious. I wasn't really into Serious because he planned my days for me and organised my details and eventually we were at each other's throats. After two years, we decided to go for another carrier but the intelligent homing chip still lead us back to each other. Twice that happened but that darn chip's magnetism is just too strong and I reckon even North and South poles can get glued together. And so after using up all the features of BFNel.1, I decided to upgrade to HBNel.1 in 2004, only a year shy of the seven year itch. It was like doing a reboot as a simple right click helped unlock many hidden applications and new attachments which were very welcome. One of my favourite attachments is the multi-functional InLawsPro, with 24/7 customer support based in the Philippines. BrothersinLawV2.0 also provides a lot of support and entertainment. Great applications such as BreadWinner and SuperSaver are essential for my shopping needs. On the same year of upgrade, I requested international roaming for HBNel.1 as we went on a career adventure in Malaysia. There, HBNel.1 had a violent virus attack from an unknown expat file. HBNel.1 was out of commission for a short period and this was the most trying period for us but it made us stronger in the end, forging my faith that this model is here for the long haul. In 2006, roaming had to stretch to the Asia Pacific region as we moved to New Zealand. I had a system malfunction the following year as we lost a supposed to-be new accessory due to hormonal imbalance on my part. HBNel.1 proved to have more value than its worth as it provided me with all the support I needed and also joined me as we became part of Couples for Christ, providing us regular service updates and a strong firewall against Trojan virus and spam. In 2009, I had another upgrade to DadNelBasic1.0 and it came with a free new accessory, AquiBaby. The new accessory was quite difficult to install as it didn't come with an instruction manual but after a calibration, AquiBaby was fully functional and provided us with lots of fun and laughter. Two years after, I got a surprise upgrade with a free accessory, IaBaby. DadNelBasic1.0 was now DadNelPro2.0 and was overclocked to its full potential. A few more applications were added including Washlaundryexpress and IronManAdvanced but others are still new and waiting to be fully installed such as MowTheLawnNow and ChangeDirtyNappy. Memory has been upgraded to SSD (SuperSweetDaddy) and SRAM (StillRomanticAndMacho) but due to daily wear and tear, fragmentation may occur. This year, I celebrate eight years of theoriginal operating system, HBNel.1 and I know it will just get better and better, having more upgrades and probably one more accessory, hopefully, the next one with an XY program. So once again, thank you to its maker, YHWH. Thank you for the past sixteen years of friendship and eight years of blessed commitment and durability.

I hope more and more owners will come to enjoy their models and upgrades too.

1998

2001

2004

Twice the Fun!

Yup, I'm writing again -- and this time about the fun and folly of being a mum of two princesses.

Having two girls is not only economical since we get to "recycle" the gowns, party dresses and other girly stuff but it also gives us the chance as parents to correct our ways. As all first time parents were, Ronnel and I were OC with Aqui. We prepared well, we attended Ante-natal classes, read several prep books, registered in several baby websites and religiously researched ways to prepare for Aqui's coming. And so when she came, we thought we were equipped with the good techniques of parenthood. Most of the time, we were ok but there are times that we threw away those techniques and just let her get her way. This time around with Ia, we'll be wiser - or maybe, our resolve is much stronger because we know that's it would be for the best in the long run. So here's a rundown of the things we've done really well with Aqui that we'd continue with Ia and the Not-so-good things that we'd like to do better this time around.

TOP 3 THINGS THAT WORKED GREAT WITH AQUI (which we will do with Ia)
1. Self-sufficiency/ Independence. Aqui is quite independent for her age - she can go to the toilet herself and clean up (except for #2), turn the TV or iPad on, brush her teeth by herself and eat on her own. This independence didn't just happen overnight, it came with the price of soiled carpets, several trial and errors and a whole lot of grey hair (on our part). As early as six months, we had her explore food and eventually she put food in her mouth -- thanks to the encouragement of ante-natal classmate Angela Watson who's strongly into Baby-led weaning. Aqui had a lot of encouragement from us-- within reason and safe environment, of course. Every time she said she can't and sought help from us, we'd evaluate together if she really can't or if she's just lazy. More often than not, it's the latter so we'd push her to be able to do it herself. Eventually, she'd surprise us in showing us things she's able to do on her own! We even had to change the PIN on our iPad because she's started memorizing that too.

2. Bilinguality, bilingualism, bilingualisation? Whatever you call it, we'd still do it with Ia. At home, we speak Filipino with Aqui and we leave the English to her friends and childcare provider. At first, I got mixed reactions from family and friends, advising me that it will confuse Aqui or it will be too hard. Yes, it is hard and sometimes we catch ourselves responding to her in English as well. We don't beat ourselves if we miss but we still try to speak Filipino as much as we can. At Aqui's latest Plunket visit, the nurse lauded me for this because she said it's a really hard thing to do for parents. Most foreigners just give in to the children and speak the local language eventually. The nurse said speaking two (or more) languages increase the learning ability of the child as she gets to deal with more than one meaning of a single concept. We are still struggling now especially since most of the songs and rhymes are in English (although I teach her some Filipino songs too) but I think it will be better with Ia learning to speak Filipino as well so they can converse with each other.

3. Inter-action. Aqui grew up in a busy environment. We went to play dates, play centres, kids concerts, Couples for Christ activities and had music all the time at home. This resulted in a very friendly Aqui - sometimes even too friendly (or brave) for my taste that she'd challenge a six year old in a playground. I'd like to do this again with Ia and bring her up in a world of songs, games, dance, and friendship.

TOP 3 THINGS THAT WE'RE DOING / WE WILL DO BETTER WITH IA
1. Sleep Training. We've trained Aqui to sleep well at around three months and it was working quite well but then my dad came and the spoilage (!) began. My midwife told me once that there's no such thing as "the grandparent spoiling a baby" IF the grandparent stays and lives with us to take care of the kids forever. It only becomes a problem when the grandparent leaves and boy, did we have a problem with Aqui when Lolo left. It was just three weeks but she already knew that the cot was very different from a warm embrace. There were times she slept on top of me the whole night and I had difficulty breathing and the bane of co-sleeping began. But it wasn't all that bad, co-sleeping provided for lots of entertainment too. You'd always get a warm good morning and sometimes an I love you first thing in the morning - accompanied by a foot on your face or a slap on your ear. Ia, as of writing this, is fully sleep trained! She sleeps on her cot 8-9 hours straight and doesn't need to be lulled to sleep. You just put her down on the cot, turn on her favourite music mobile and she dozes on her own. Of course, she got there with a lot of hard work too and three weeks of back-aching sleep training regimen. This doesn't mean Ia will grow up lacking cuddles - she just has them when she's awake.

2. Bottle-Feeding. Don't get me wrong - Ia will still be fully breast-fed. Aqui was fully breast-fed up to 19 months as she had a dairy allergy which eventually went away. Breastfeeding worked really well with Aqui plus it doesn't cost much - well, aside from me being ravenous all the time. The only thing we were lax about was feeding her via bottle as feeding her directly from me was just more convenient than expressing. This became a problem especially since we started leaving her at child care at seven months. With Ia, we try to give her at least one bottle a day. She refuses and cries with all her might but eventually she gives in. I'd have Ronnel do the bottle feeding as I think the "milk" smell coming from me is too strong for her to settle for seconds - of course, Breast is best.

3. 1-2-3 Time Out! We've done this with Aqui but not consistently as usually, my temper would get the better of me and then the yelling starts. One time, I noticed Aqui lining up her Barbie and Dora dolls and she was pointing at them and started to yell at them to go to the Naughty Chair. I felt really guilty and I am going to try hard to keep my temper in check and do the 1-2-3 Time Out step by step as the book says.

4. Less e-Learning and more Old School. I know I said three but here's the last one, I promise.
Aqui lives and breathes technology just like Ronnel and me. Can you blame an apple not falling far from the tree? A typical Saturday for her is waking up with the iPad and turning the TV on after breakfast. She'd also log on and click the mouse on the PC (she doesn’t really do anything, just moves the mouse around). She would then play a few games on her dad's Nook. If we have a game on the Wii, she'd play that too. We'd go to the park and she'd make sure to have me take a video or photo of her. Then we'd go home and sometimes she would call her grandparents via Yahoo video on the iPad. Before going to sleep, we try to read her a book but she can't sit still and would prefer the Kid's channel on the iPad's YouTube. She would then say her prayers after a last peek on the iPad. I swear if she didn't go to Child Care, her days would be like this. There was one time, we hid the iPad from her and when she started looking for it and couldn't find it, she threw the biggest tantrum ever. She was running around and lying down on the carpet, screaming and crying "I want iPad!” Ronnel and I were quite surprised with the strong reaction and watched her for a few more minutes before eventually giving in. Ronnel said she resembled me when my phone got broken before. Ha Ha.

So there you go, hope this was a nice blog come-back :-)

Introducing Baby Ia!

I'm always amazed when things don't go my way - it is a constant reminder that I do not own my life, that my plans are not mine, and however stubborn I want to be, I have to succumb to a greater force who looks after all of us. And this is exactly what has happened with our second baby.

With Aqui, it was a breeze. Sure, there were some complications too as I had gestational diabetes but that was manageable. We had ample time to prepare as first time parents. We attended ante-natal classes, joined a coffee group, read up parenting books and we knew we were ready when she came. I even had time to tidy up the house (Ronnel called it sterilising it with my OC behaviour), prepare frozen meals (yup, a month's supply!) and was just waiting for the day of my induced labour.

It was a whole different ball game with baby number two. First, she was twice as active as Aqui in my tummy. Second, my gestational diabetes didn't come up as an issue until the latest month so I thought I'd be safe. Third, she had an unpredictable streak and gave me contractions as early as the 28th week.

On my 32nd week, I was officially handed over to the hospital specialists for complications and I had to say goodbye to my midwife. It made me a bit sad as I enjoyed being looked after by her and we developed a certain rapport. But the baby's health is a priority so we had no choice. As the days went by, the contractions got more frequent and my blood sugar levels went higher and after a week, I was injecting two types of insulin six times a day. The hospital deemed me unfit for work and I filed the remaining two weeks at work as sick leave. It was a swift farewell to my old and new teammates at work but it was the last thing on my mind. I welcomed the idea of an extra two weeks of rest and preparation. I printed to-do lists and day-by-day schedules for me to prepare just like I did with Aqui. But my efforts were futile.

On Saturday, 17 Sept, 5am, the day after my last day at work, I found myself leaking. At first, I thought I just had a wee accident but with the sheer amount of water gushing out, I suspected it was something else. My waters never broke with Aqui so I didn't have a prior experience for comparison. I quickly woke up Ronnel at the same time looked up Google. Ronnel told me off for relying on the web and my penchant for self-diagnosis and straight told me to call the hospital. I just hate the thought of being wrong - what if it was just really incontinence? But I was glad I took my husband's advice.

In that same morning we were admitted in the hospital. It was confirmed that my waters have ruptured and there were multiple contractions happening. Aqui was a great sport, she looked confused but she knew something was going on. The next day, I was hooked up like a drug momma with IV's on both my wrists and injections all over my body. The doctors decided to deliver baby on Wednesday via a c-section.

Times like these, I can't help but wish that we were not so far away from our family. Thanks to the wonders of texting and Facebook updates, they know what's happening. On the other hand, this also makes us feel so blessed to be surrounded by friends who care for us and support us. We've received numerous offers of help to look after Aqui. Aqui has settled quite well with the Baloyos as she found her BFF of the month Keisha. Thanks Arnel and Doyeth for looking after her. We're also overwhelmed with the support from our Couples for Christ community, for the prayers, words of support and ofcourse, the overflowing food - a friend even organised a roster of food delivery for Ronnel and Aqui. Everybody knows Ronnel's domain is not the kitchen and with only him looking after Aqui at night, I'm sure his energy is drained as well.

Being alone in the hospital room is difficult. I wished Ronnel and Aqui were with me all the time but it's hard for them too, being contained in a room with nothing to do. Parting is doubly hard with Aqui crying whenever she leaves the room, saying "Wawa Mommy, Wawa Baby" (I feel sorry for Mommy, I feel sorry for Baby). It could be a combination of hormones and contraction pain but sometimes I find my face drenched with tears. I draw my strength from Aqui, Ronnel and baby and ofcourse, the greatest giver of strength, our Lord. The alone time I have, I spend trying to be calm. Any anxiety I feel is felt by my baby so I watch movies, read novels, write and read the Bible as well. Sleep and rest became elusive as I needed to get checked every hour 24/7. Then Aqui had a fever which I'm glad has gone after a few hours. Ronnel has done a great job looking after her and I'm thankful for the strength that he has shown in this period.

19 Sept 2011
Once again, our plans (technically, it's the hospital's plans) have been thwarted. At around 9pm, one of the midwives did a routine monitoring of the baby's heartrate and discovered that it has gone above the normal range while my contractions have increased not only in frequency but in scale as well. It was fortunate that a doctor was doing her rounds so she was available for consultation at that time. The quick changes have alerted the doctors who made a swift decision to call for an emergency ceasarian. In a span of an hour, quick arrangements were made -- Aqui once again had to stay with the Baloyos while Ronnel had to come back to the hospital to be present during the delivery. All necessary forms and preparations were made for the upcoming operation and by 10:15pm, I was inside the operating theatre and by 10:55 pm, Baby Iarinelle's cries resonated in the white room.

The miracle of birth is what it is-- a miracle. Anything can happen and when it happens, you feel humbled by it. The doctors told me at the tail end of the operation that it was the right call to have the surgery then, as they found out that my placenta was bleeding which may have caused the waters to rupture in the first place. I would have been telling a different story if they have waited a day or two. I really feel humbled knowing that we are being looked after. I couldn't imagine what would have happened if the midwife skipped the routine monitoring, or if the doctor wasn't doing her rounds in the ward or if we stuck to the original hospital birth plan. I don't want to even think about the what ifs then.

And so Baby Ia says hello to the world at 35 weeks. We've chosen the name "Iarinelle" for two reasons, 1) we wanted to have Ronnel's name with the second one as my name was part of Aqui's Jacqueleen and 2) it suited her and the events that have happened. Dissecting her name, IA means she/he ; RIN means follow and EL means God -- so it literarily means "She follows God." The challenges have just started though -- because she's early, she had to stay in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) strapped with all the monitors and drips. It was heartaching to look at a little one in a Darth Vaderesque get up but we knew it was for her sake. Her fighting spirit shone through as she emerged healthy and strong-willed. They had to monitor her closely as her blood sugars were low and had to have a tube stuck to her nose so that she can ingest milk quicker. She had her own plans to show she was better than that as she started drinking from the cup and the bottle! The tube only lasted for a day and by Thursday night, she was in a normal cot and unattached to drips or any monitoring line! She is truly amazing, even the nurses are awed by her resilience.

As for me, I have been discharged from the hospital and trying to move to a NICU room with her. She still has to stay in NICU as she is still under 36 weeks but we're no longer worried. We know that we are being looked after.

Tonight, I sleep beside Aqui and Ronnel after six nights of separation. I miss baby Ia but I know the nurses are taking care of her at the hospital. Life is good. God is good.

Feast your eyes on lovely Ia!

Farewell, Lolo.

My grandfather passed away last Wednesday. He had cancer and we were told he had a couple of months to live so it came as a shock that those months were shortened to just weeks. My biggest regret was that I wasn't able to talk to him before he left. I thought to myself that there will be time. I had several excuses for postponing my call, that work and Aqui was making us too busy, or that my pregnancy was difficult that I was tired all the time. Just excuses, really. Now that I think of it, I was scared. I wasn't ready to face the fact that my grandfather was dying.... And because I'm such a coward, I wasn't able to say goodbye.

My last dream before I woke up was of my grandfather. I dreamt that I went to our old house to drop off some food and as I was leaving, I heard my grandfather's voice calling, asking me "Are you not going to say goodbye to me?". I turned and saw him in his usual white sando and shorts, on a blue bed, beside some hospital equipment. I ran towards him, gave him a hug and walked away, waving goodbye as I said, "Bye bye Lolo.". And with that, I woke up with a shiver in my spine and cold sweat on my forehead.

Thank you Lolo for giving me a last chance to say goodbye.

Counting Our Blessings

As promised in my last post, this post is about counting my blessings. It is always good to count our blessings, name them one by one and see what God has done (lyrics of a song). I know I’ve got more to count but as greatness comes in three, I’ll just write down the greatest three blessings we’ve received this year…

Brothers Reunited

My brothers-in-law have come for a 3-week visit and we’ve been busy showing them around North Island. Luckily, they’re like Ronnel and me – homebodies and just happy spending time with each other, playing xbox and Wii, pigging out with good food and watching movies at home. So we don’t really need to go to lengths of showing them the whole of NZ. My workmates tease me that we’ve migrated to the wrong country if we just like spending time at home. Yup, we’re not into trekking, mountain climbing, kayaking or anything adventurous and we don’t want to force ourselves to do things that we’re not just into. As long as we’re happy, we’re good. Speaking of happy, I’m happy to see Ronnel so happy – it’s been a while since he’s bonded with his brothers. It’s so unusual to have boisterous loud boy laughter resonating in our home, times three!

Bonus Ipad 2!

Ronnel promised me an Ipad (or an Iconia or anything that I can watch my kdramas with lying down) as a Christmas+Anniversary+Valentines+Birthday combo gift. So on March 25, when the Ipad2 was launched in Wellington, I told my boss that I’ll be off in the afternoon to queue up in Yoobee (Apple store). I started queuing at 1pm when the Ipad was to be launched at 5pm – yup, I am that techno-addict (remember us queue up for the Wii?). Little did I know that there were several people from work trying to contact me. I looked at my phone which had 20 missed calls, and a workmate even went all the way to Yoobee to look for me (Thanks Shiffy!) just to tell me to pick up my phone. And so I did, and in the other line was my boss’ boss asking me to come back to work. I told him I was in queue for an Ipad and he quickly told me to step out of the line. My first thoughts were, “Why? What have I done wrong?” I only asked him, “Why?” and he said, it was because I won an Ipad2 in an idea competition I joined a week ago! Yay!

Big Sister Aqui

And the biggest blessing – we’re expecting! (This reminds me of a week ago when I finally told my workmates I was expecting and one of them asked, “Expecting what?” which brought laughter to the whole team.)

Aqui is going to be a big sister soon. Ronnel is hoping and I’m guessing it’s a boy because this pregnancy is so much more difficult than when I had Aqui. I’m fifteen weeks now (due October 22) and still suffering from all-day sickness and fatigue. All in all, the baby’s healthy and quite active too. We’ve had two scans now and in both scans, little one has been jumping up and down. We’re waiting for the 20^th week scan to find out the gender and so that we can prepare baby stuff as well.

I know there are still so much more blessings to count and so much more to come. Thank you Lord!