Relationship Stages

February 2006

Tonight, I’d like to talk about something Universal. It goes beyond race, age educational background or social class. It’s this little thing that we call Love. Now there are several types of love. You have the love between a mother and child. Love between siblings. Love between friends. And the most interesting of all, is the love between a guy and a girl. It is so interesting that almost everything refers to it--- Movies, music, paintings and books. Since it’s such a broad topic, I’d like to narrow it down by talking about the fun stuff—the love between a guy and a girl before they jump into marriage. You see, I have a hobby of observing people. In my previous speech, I mentioned about reading signatures. I even mentioned about fortune telling. Well, now, I’m sharing with you my discoveries after observing the people around me who have been struck by cupid’s arrow. It doesn’t matter if you’re sweet sixteen or near-death ninety. When you fall in love, you just fall—whether there’s someone to catch you or not. But of course, everybody in this room will agree with me, that it’s better to fall with somebody who has fallen for you as well. So let’s talk about that, love that’s mutual. From my past experiences and from my observance of friends and family around me, I have concluded that there are five stages of love between a guy and a girl before they get married. Let’s start with the first stage, Stage “F” or Friends. Of course, there’s always love at first sight but even then you still have to get to know the person first, right? So you start off being friends. It could be a sincere act of wanting to be friends or maybe you already have the hots for the guy but it’s always the first step to “reach” that person. You go out with a group of friends, enjoy common hobbies and interests and eventually get to know each other. Now, if you both like what you see, you start opening to each other more—share problems, dreams and fears. You begin to take special care of that person and put him in a higher position than your other friends. Then you advance to the second stage, “SF” or Special Friends. Special Friends are those who care for each other more than they mean or want to. You tend to do things with out thinking first. This is the scariest stage since you don’t know whether what you’re feeling is friend love or that other kind of love. This is the stage where most friendships fail since the love is unrequited. But let’s not talk about sad things. Let’s say the feeling is mutual but you just don’t know that it’s there. At this day and age, guys are not the only one who can make the first move. We girls can do it too but be careful that you don’t put the guy off or you’ll never get to the succeeding stages. We girls can subtly make moves where you can persuade the guy to make the first moves. It’s part of our charms. I’ve seen my girl friends do such things and I think I have done some moves in my younger years too. But be very careful. We girls should never assume. This has been the downfall of some, because they assumed the guy liked them. You see, you can never say a guy likes you UNLESS he says it in front of you. Now, once one of you drops hints of liking the other, then you can openly talk about it. But the thing is, you are not sure just yet. I mean, it could possibly be that you’re always together and you’ll naturally feel attached. So you both go on to the next stage – “SO”. Secret On or commonly known as MU- Mutual Understanding. It’s the stage where you are sure that you’re not just friends but you’re not quite sure if you’re ready for a commitment. So you decide to keep it to yourselves so that it’s not that embarrassing if you break it off after a week or so. This is the stage where you feel oh so lovey-dovey but can’t tell anyone yet since you promised each other not to. This is the discovery stage too, where you sort out your feelings on whether you wish to proceed to the next level which is “ON”. “ON” is the stage where you go steady. Here, you can shout out to the rest of the world that he is your guy and you’re his girl. You can go HHWWSST – which is short for Holding Hand While Walking Swaying Swaying Too. In this stage, you are the apple of his eye and your world will probably revolve around him. This is the stage where you feel high or drugged, where you are oblivious to the things happening around you and you feel like you’re floating in mid-air. This is where your face glows and you feel more beautiful than ever. You’re wearing an expression that says “I AM IN LOVE and I’m the luckiest girl or guy in the world.” You continue on like this for a couple of weeks, even months but reality sets in and it’s time for you to decide whether you wish to advance to the next level which is SR-- “Serious Relationship.” This is the stage where you see your partner as a real person. Time is a key ingredient in this stage. By time, I don’t mean just quantity but quality as well. It doesn’t count that you’ve been steady for ten years but you just see each other once a year. In this stage, your partner steps down from that pedestal you put him in and you see him as who he or she really is. You either find out that his feet smells or that she spends five hours in a salon. Here, you get a reality check and contemplate on whether you are ready to spend the rest of your nights sleepless beside a guy who snores or with a girl whose mother you cannot stand. It is in this stage where you ask yourself, are you ready to take the plunge to marital vows? If you are, then good luck! There is still a lot of stages in marital life and all those rings – engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering, boring. But that’s another story altogether. But it could be also in this stage that you realize that he or she is not the “One” and that you can’t go on with the SR stage. And so you break if off. If this happens, you’re back in Stage 1. And the cycle continues. Now, you ask me, what is the relevance of knowing all these stages? Well, knowing these stages can help you in your current or future relationships. With this knowledge, you can identify what stage you are in and if you are ready to move on to the next level or not. But don’t take these stages seriously since they’re not clear cut. Some relationships skip all stages 1-4 and just jump to Stage 5 and succeed. Some relationships go through all stages and in the end back to stage 1 with somebody else. I am no expert. I am just someone who have gone through these five stages --- enjoyed them and survived. So, I ask you, what stage are you in now?